School bus driver accused of brandishing knife

Story: School bus driver accused of brandishing knife

Summary: Girls eat cookies on bus, driver threatens to slice their wrists if they don't clean up the crumbs. This is how most sensible people would react, right? Not sure if this guy is an old war vet or not, but in 2008 this is not how we talk to sixth graders. It is also rumored he had plans to chain them to a bed spring connected to a car battery, until he got the answer he was looking for.

Elementary school VP arrested on drug charges

Story: San Bernardino elementary school VP arrested on drug charges after shooting

Some educators like to scrapbook on the weekends. Other enjoy outdoor activities such as kayaking. While some prefer the dangerous world of drugs and guns. It has got to excite parents to know their children are in the safe hands of criminals.

9-year-old called drug dealer over cough drops

Story: 9-year-old called drug dealer over cough drops

The suspect was apprehended with approximately six ounces of Halls Defense Vitamin C tablets. The crime? Helping strengthen the immune systems of her classmates. The administration actually had to meet to decide whether or not the cough drops should be considered an illegal drug. Next time, the girl will wise up and do business across the street, off of school property.

Janitor fired after racist Christmas ornament found

Story: East Texas school janitor fired after racist Christmas ornament found

This janitor seems to have a different definition of "White Christmas." He would prefer hanging nooses instead of mistletoes. Well, his warped holiday spirit just cost him his job, and made the school feel a lot better about the people they hire.

School mispells spelling bee champs name

Story: No spellcheck on school sign

It apparantly doesn't take an eighth grade education to land the job as marquee manager. In what we all hoped (but were sadly let down) was meant to be ironic, the boy was congratulated by seeing a mispelling of the most common name in the English language- Michael. Not to discredit the competition, but Michael happened to be the only one who noticed the error.

Letter to Santa leads to molestation charge

Story: Letter to Santa leads to Texas molestation charge

What's the best way to find out there is no Santa? Well, for one 9-year old Texas girl it was asking for her and her sister to stop being raped by a school employee. But I guess this also supports any advocates of allowing young children to believe in Santa Clause. Because if it wasn't for the magic of Jolly Ole St. Nick, these girls would have to continue their "nightmare of sexual abuse." I wonder if prison inmates celebrate Christmas?

22 students caught with alcohol at Middle School

The students created a ring where they would steal booze from their parents, mix it in with soda or juice bottles, and sell it to classmates. Don't these kids know that you need a liquor licence to sell alcohol? After they got caught, they began bootlegging the hooch through local lemonade stands. Since 13-year olds have no concept of mixed drink prices, local teachers kept them in business after catching wind of their rock bottom deals.

9-year-old charged for threat with toy gun

Story: 9-year-old charged for threat with toy gun

Unfortunately, this boy does not have the luxery of being arrested by a fake cop and going to a pretend prison. At the ripe age of nine, he will now have a juvenile criminal record. Hopefully this doesn't set him back too much. We would at least like to see him get to 8th grade before he drops out of school.

Woman bit teacher at Roslyn basketball game

Story: Woman bit teacher at Roslyn basketball game

Some high school sports rivalries are highlighted by two teams battling every year to win the city championship. Others apparently get noted because fans bite each other. In a completely unrelated story, many students have been showing up to school wearing sunglasses, and Home Depot reports an increase in wooden stake sales.

2 charged after Klan-like hoods found outside school

Story: 2 charged after Klan-like hoods found outside school

There are still parts of the South that are having a hard time with the results of the Civil War. All we can ask is that schools take an active role during the education process with regards to issues like this. And we don't mean by tying girls together and pretending they are slaves.

Schools complain about energy drinks

Story: Schools complain about energy drinks

Administration does not like free sample give-a-ways because they don't stand to make any profit. If they get the right advertising rep in there, Red Bull could be sponsoring all of their athletic events. This is assuming that they offer a better deal than Coke or Pepsi.

Nut Bans in Schools May Be Spurring Hysteria

Story: Nut Bans in Schools May Be Spurring Hysteria

Some people believe that scaring everyone into thinking kids will die upon contact with nuts is going too far. Perhaps citing a recent story that a bus driver evacuated the whole bus because a peanut was found on the floor helps epitomize this panic. The article goes into detail about all the other things people can die from besides peanuts, but for some reason, the legume has become the #1 safety concern at many schools across the country. Sounds like fun.

Teacher Tells 7-Year-Olds Santa Is Not Real

Story: Outrage After Teacher Tells 7-Year-Olds Santa Is Not Real

What a way to ring in the Christmas spirit, by leaving a class of 7-year olds in tears after telling them there is no such thing as Santa. For some reason this teacher thought that these 25 students best hear it from a trusted adult, rather than a deceiving parent. The plan actually backfired when the kids realized there is no incentive to be naughty or nice, so they became disruptive or the rest of the day. (This is, of course, once they were done crying.)

Student suspended for bumper sticker

Story: Walla Walla student suspended for bumper sticker

The school went ahead and figured since the car was parked in their parking lot, that some of the language on her bumper sticker caused a disruption to the education process (which generally occurs in classrooms and hallways). Schools can go months and months with grafitti sprayed on their property, and do nothing about it, but the second they don't like the sticker a girl puts on her car- suspension.

Student is hit by egg, falls down stairs

Story: Student is hit by egg, falls down stairs

The class was doing the "egg drop experiment." Usually, you drop an egg from a given height and see if you can build a catch that will prevent it from breaking. One kid was under the impression that instead of dropping it, you're supposed to whip at at another kids face. Based on previous discipline cases, I am not surprised the student who threw the egg hasn't been arrested. Oddly, omlets were served for breakfast the next day.

Teachers complain about grading policy

"I got a 50% for skipping class!"

In an effort to record as accurate GPA's as possible, Pittsburgh schools hand out a grade of 50% for any missing or incomplete work. So basically, 0%=50%. You can see why some of the lesser motivated students are perfectly content with that score. I am glad we are teaching kids that by not trying at all, it's pretty much like giving half your effort. That little life skill will come in handy when they enter the job market, and are quickly fired for poor work performace.

School Caught With Inflatable Mattress Sex Room

"No time for cuddling, gotta get back to the classroom."

It seems that instead of working on lesson plans, all the teachers in this school decided to spend their lunch breaks having sex with each other. No word yet on how much of the school budget was spent on condoms and KY jelly. I wonder though, if this form of stress relief has a positive impact on teaching performance? That is of course, until they all break out in genital herpes from banging on the same disgusting air mattress.

School to Teach Kids to Fight Back Against Gunmen

Story: Controversy Erupts Over School Proposal to Teach Kids to Fight Back Against Gunmen

Rather than protect themselves and hide under a desk or something, some officials believe children should try to fight armed assassins by throwing backpacks at them. This will probably keep the shooter calm and not act irrationally. How many 10-year olds do we need to die as "heroes" until this idea becomes a terrible regret?

School board not happy pages ripped from book

Story: NY school board: Don't rip out sex pages

Angry at references to oral sex in the book Girl, Interrupted, someone took the liberty of ripping all the pages out with this explicit material. The school board feels much more comfortable with students learning about sexual freedom through a character that Angelina Jolie made famous. This way, they don't have to budget for a sex ed instructor.

Teacher arrested, accused of viewing porn

Story: Substitute St. Paul teacher arrested, accused of viewing porn

You would think a substitute teacher would have plenty of time to watch porn at home, while they are not teaching. You would also think an adult in a school setting would have enough sense to not watch his sexy videos while students are walking around. However, it's teachers like this that keep fueling this website. It looks like they are here to stay.

Deer crashes in on elementary school

Story: Deer crashes in on Coopersville East Elementary

Maybe it's time Rudolph invests in a GPS and stops relying on his nose to guide him. In the future, we will have to design schools to prevent six-point bucks from trucking through classroom windows. The teacher says the students received a good lesson in animal behavior. I would say they got a good exercise in freaking out and being scared to death.

High school students caught changing grades

Story: Richmond County high school students caught changing grades

Here is a quick lesson in cheating: Don't tell your whole class you're doing it. And more importantly, don't change everyones grades to 100%! Just because teachers are older than high school students doesn't mean they are all complete idiots. Does this mean the education system is so bad that kids don't even know how to cheat properly?

Georgia schools ban corporal punishment

Story: Columbia County Board of Education bans corporal punishment

Dear Georgia,

Welcome to 2008. We are glad you decided to join most of the country in an effort to stop promoting violence as a form of discipline. Now you can allow parents choose who has the right to hit their kids. Please stay in touch and let us know how this works out for you.

Coffee mistaken for a gun causes scare at east metro high school

Story: Coffee mistaken for a gun causes scare at east metro high school

Authorities were unclear if the suspect wanted to unload some rounds, or scold students to death with hot coffee. As it turns out, he was just a simple man taking a walk in the winter trying to keep warm with a cup of joe in the morning. What a great reason to lock down a school. You have got to love eye witness accounts.

Student Sues Over Facebook Suspension

Story: Former Student Sues Over Facebook Suspension

Basically, the student posted a picture of her teacher with a caption that read "... the worst teacher I've ever met..." So since the girl did it from a home computer, and it posed no immediate threat or suggestion of hate or violence, the principal felt it was his obligation to suspend her from school. Maybe a better idea, would be for the principal to use some of that energy to focus on why students are completely unhappy with some of their teachers. Because as we all know, Florida has had its share of bad teachers.

Field Trips Canceled After Students See Autopsy of Classmate

Story: Field Trips Canceled After Students See Autopsy of Classmate

Ask yourself what might be worse:

A. Watching an autopsy.
B. Having a classmate die.
C. Having to watch an autopsy of your deceased classmate.

Boy, high school has really changed if this is the kind of shock therapy we are putting teens though. And to think, during a time of economic recession, this is how we are choosing to spend our education budget.

Student beat up for having cell phone

Story: Student: I Was Beat Up By Security For Having Cell

The first rule of the beating room, is that there is no beating room. According to reports, there is a seperate room in this school where students get rough-housed by security for various reasons. It is unknown whether or not Joe Pesci and Robert DeNiro are involved. Even if this is a rumor, what great press this provides the school as advocates of Zero Tolerance. Parents should be so lucky that schools are taking matters into their own hands.

Student arrested for poking classmate in butt with pin

He will soon be known as the Serial Pinner. The major flaw in this boys' prank, is that he forgot to include the "Kick Me" sign. It can only be assumed that there is already a paper shortage at his school, and he was unable to print the copies. And for the record, all butts are being examined to ensure there was no serious injury.

Mom upset teacher tied girl in slave lesson

Story: Mom upset teacher tied girl in slave lesson

It wasn't too long ago that we joked about a teacher taking history lessons to the extreme, and as luck would have it, dumb teachers never let us down. You can probably understand why some African-American parents might have a problem with their children being hog-tied and placed under desks as part of ridiculous demonstration about how slavery worked. And we wonder why the NAACP is still neccesary in our country.

School official changed 1000 answers on test

Story: City Finds Bronx H.S. Cheated On Regents Exam

Schools are so worried about students passing, that kids don't even need to pay attention on their tests. Not when they have the school erasing all the wrong answers at least. Teachers admit that their only other option was displaying the correct answers on the chalk board during the tests, but they figured at least one student would snitch to their parent. Students who actually cheated, now feel like it was a waste of their time.

GRPS gives failing students an H

Story: GRPS gives failing students an H

In an effort to curb the high drop-out rate, one school district decided to eliminate failing grades. Now none of these students will ever be faced with an 'F' on their report card. They can keep taking tests over and over until a better grade is reached. The rest of the country is currently scratching their heads trying to figure out why Michigan students have incredible GPA's all of a sudden and are getting into better colleges.

OUTRAGE: Special ed director parks in handicap space

Story: Special ed director parks in handicap space

It sends a very poor message when the administration does not follow the same standards set for the rest of the students and staff. Not to mention this is actually illegal. In related news, a gym teacher was spotted eating McDonalds, an English teacher was caught using spell check, a guidance counsel was seen smoking a joint, and the principal was in the hall without a pass.

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