Cold lunch plan hard to swallow

It's getting harder and harder for poor familes to reach any level of happiness. The free-lunch system is set up for people who can't afford to get Lunchables and Capri Suns every day. Yes, occasionally people scam the system and also fall behind in payments, so we punish them by giving them crappy meals.
But again, it's a budget thing. The schools are losing money because of bad debt. Just charge the rich kids more. By the time families figure out what's going on you'll be in the green again can spend it back on warm lunches.

School nurses ask for more hours

Hey ladies, let's break up the sewing circle and get back to work.
Some kids spend almost half of their day at schools now. Why should it be important to care for them when they get sick? When you go home for the day, just put a sign on the door:

Teacher suspended following cocaine possession

Another teacher with a coke problem? I understand that this drug has swept middle-class America over the last couple years, but how are teachers being so stupid with it?
The best way to create a drug-free workplace is having mandatory drug tests. We pay a decent amount of money for our children's education, and I think we all kind of hope that our kid won't land into the hands of some junky who pulls himself together by putting a tie on. It's simple, if you're into drugs, then maybe teaching 3rd graders isn't for you.

Steroid testing bill clears 1st hurdle

What's wrong with being huge? Don't we want more state championships? I know for a fact that some of my old teachers would have given me better grades if I led our conference in homeruns. They should encourage us to use as many growth enhancing substances NOW so that we can get full rides to college and hopefully become pro. Cause by the time we reach that level, it's illegal to take steroids. We need to prepare our future athletes by getting them as jacked as possible at an early age.

School Objects To Student's Hair Color

Pink is Steven Tyler's favorite color. As irrelevent as that may be, it would never fly at this school.
How specific do these policies get? They often say that students must have a 'color that can be naturually grown.' How many girls can natually grow highlights? How many 'nancy-boys' can naturally grow frosted tips? I'll bet it hurts red-heads just a little on the inside everytime they see one of their fellow classmates get punished for dying their hair that color.

Student mugged in school parking lot

I'm not sure all the details, but aren't the only times you're in the parking lot when you're either arriving to or leaving school? Where were the hundreds of other kids?
More than likely this will lead to some drastic security change that will challenge everyone's rights. Added camera's, gated lots, electronic ID's...something is gonna make going to school that much more inconvenient.

Elementary School Principal Charged With Molesting Boy

Texas Elementary School Principal Charged With Molesting Boy

The sad thing is, stories like this are becoming a dime a dozen. Every day there is a different teacher or faculty just wanting to touch little kids.

When they were studying Education in college, did they not take note of the party atmosphere all around them? How can you spend 4 years around sexy college co-eds and when you graduate all you want to do is F some little boy? Doesn't make sense to me.

Student suspended because of MySpace messages

I went to school with kids who drew pictures of devil's emblems on the cover of their math books. We just kind of left them alone and I am pretty sure they went on to graduate high school like the rest of us.
Now we are pigeon-holing a 13-year old as Satatic because he wrote some negative comments about people he didn't like. And he did this at home, nonetheless. Again, let's admit he might be confused at his age, but lets not fuel his anger by continuing to outcast him.

High School Athletes End Up on Porn Sites

I guess you can't really screen and do background checks of everyone that attends high school sporting events, but you'd think a couple red flags would go up when there's some weird guy in the corner that no one knows snapping pictures with his phone every time the swim team does their warm-up stretches. Oh, and he's probably also the only one in the audience with a boner.

Boy struck and killed by school bus

Cones are orange and pointy. Telephone poles are tall and wooden. Little boys are WALKING and MOVING! You've got like 30 mirrors on a school bus to avoid blind spots. If your job is transporting children, then children should be your #1 concern. It's not like you just unloaded 15 crates of low fat milk and the bottom box got a little damaged. As sad and tragic as this story is, I am sure it will just result in more neon yellow signs being planted everywhere.

Middle school teacher arrested for lewd behavior

Someone is going to have to explain the uncontrollable urge that male adults have to make sexual advances to their middle school students...during school! At least be smart about it. Get her contact information and move to another county. If you're going to be a pervert in front of 25 other kids, chances are the walls are going to be pretty thin.

High school student shot by off-duty police officer

Hopefully there was an off-duty paramedic to begin rescue treatment.

Tazers must be a thing of the past. Isn't this what gangsters do when they sense someone might be a threat? Shoot first, ask questions later. Well, I hope it was worth it. But I'm guessing retention might be an issue at this school if they shoot the bad students.

Assistant principal accused of drug use in school office

Everyone always wondered why this guy had so much energy. "We just thought he was extra-excited!"
At some point you have to come to terms with an addiction. If you're blowing lines of coke off of students report cards behind closed doors, you might want to consider some personal action steps before you get caught. It's not hard to recognize all the the warning signs that this might not be the best idea.

Crocs banned at schools

Just another victim to add to the list. Apparantly now shoe's can be deemed a distraction to the learning process. I clearly remember getting a D on a science test once because I was only able to focus on the person's feet next to me. Oh the colors!
It would be a lot easier to make one very strict dress code than just banning a new clothing item every other week.

Teacher fired after duct-taping student’s mouth

Why didn't this teacher just try cutting the girl's tongue out? Then she can't go snitching on anyone.
Did the teacher never once take a course in 'Behavior Management'? If taping someone's mouth shut seems to be the best solution for having a 'talker' in class, I wonder how she handles bullying and name-calling.

Student suspended for bringing multi-tool to school

Let's make an example today by punishing a good student!
Could you imagine what he might have done with that multi-tool? I'll bet he would going around tightening desk bolts and filing down sharp edges of lockers. It serves this kid right to be suspended.

Lubricant Causes Elementary School Evacuation

Lubricant Causes Elementary School Evacuation

Maybe the smell was because the ventilation units are over 60 years old. I wouldn't say this is cause for an evacuation. Most schools smell when those old furnaces kick on. It's because they don't use them enough to work properly. You can't tell me you ever remember actually being warm during winter while in class?

The hallways of my schools smelled every time someone threw a cherry bomb in the boys bathroom. It smelled every time we had potato salad for lunch. We just cracked a few windows and dealt with it.

Pig Fetuses Impaled on Car Antennas

Pig Fetuses Impaled on Car Antennas

Greenwich, Conn. School Bans Desserts

Apparently prior to this the cafeteria partnered with Ye Ole Sweet Shoppe. Is banning desserts the only way to solve childhood obesity? Using this logic we should ban books because reading may lead to near-sightedness. Since it seems schools have taken over the responsibility of parenting,why not educate and incorporate healthy lifestyles into the curriculum.
Do ice cream sandwiches really put you in the fast-lane to diabetes? As many times that the Food Pyramid gets updated it still always includes and sugars section. Remember ''use sparingly?" Has that now been replaced with a picture of a skull and crossbones?
It's already been mentioned, but junk food is not why kids are fat. We've been eating junk food for generations and generations. Any amount of field research will show that kids lack exercise. Figure it out.

What if I want to eat my salad last, and my cupcakes first? Do I still get detention? Seriously though, I'm all for schools teaching students healthy eating habits, and I am for some regulation of foodstuffs in schools. The solution is not, however, to simply eliminate foods, there also needs to be some sort of explanation / education, as well as a viable alternative. How about for the roll out, they show Super Size Me, have an executive chef come in for a day and prepare healthy desserts that are palatable, and start requiring teachers to be in decent shape. (I'd say about half my high school teachers spent all day wedged in a chair, AC on full blast, still sweating with neck fat flapping in the wind of a 1959 issue oscillating fan.)

Use this as an opportunity to teach kids big corporations, namely the food industry, exists first and foremost to make money for themselves, and actually have a profit incentive to cultivate an army of food addicts. Let's instead create an army of informed consumers that can actually make choices that will benefit them, instead of constantly beating the sheep mentality into their malleable brain stems.

One last question, if I can't have my two desserts, can I still take you up on that one desert offer? How about Dubai?

Teacher Suspended For Bringing Gun To School

And this seems perfectly normal for her as she is packing her bag for the day?
I guess teachers, much like Steven Segal, are Above the Law. It has taken almost a month to suspend this teacher for bringing a gun to school. Children get expelled in a heartbeat for even mentioning the word bullet. Do we have a bunch of cowboys running the schools?

Students suspended after photos appear on Facebook

Students suspended after photos appear on Facebook

Big Brother is always watching. And apparently so is your principal.

Football coach suspended for scuffle with student

There is nothing tougher than bullying students. It's the ultimate way to take out your anger and shame that you never amounted to anything past a college athlete. The only people that need to be talking shit to high school kids are other high school kids. You can only hope that an instructer 2-3 times your age would demonstrate a little maturity and not so much machoism. I gaurantee his wife got the worse end of this deal though.

More Students Diagnosed with Tuberculosis at Lincoln High School

More Students Diagnosed with Tuberculosis at Lincoln High School

TB requires extended, close contact with an infected individual to contract it. They might want to get some blood samples and run a couple of STD tests on the student-body as well. Just a thought.

Moon teacher admits to having sex with student

Moon teacher admits to having sex with student

As a 26-year old adult, there is nothing steamier than banging a 14-year old boy in the back of a car in the school parking lot. This is the stuff dreams are made of.

I thought of a new question during the application process of hiring teachers: Are you sexually attracted to minors? Hopefully this can at least weed out some of these nutjobs.

If this lady is so desperate for some action, I promise you there is at least a dozen local bars within a 30 minute drive that are loaded with candidates around 1:30 am. Tell you what, I'll even MapQuest it for her.

Students suspended after ignoring school's long hair mandate

Students suspended after ignoring school's long hair mandate

I think the long-hair attack has been going on for decades. Someone must have done an extensive study to determine that long hair directly correlates to low test scores, early-drop out rate, student attention span, and increased chances of drug abuse. I just can't wait for that study to be published.

Secular Ramat Gan high school bans pupils from praying

Secular Ramat Gan high school bans pupils from praying

...So much for blessing your meal before lunch time.

Ghost in the Machine Spreads Bogus Detention Messages

Glitch in Michigan High School's Automated Dialing System Spreads Bogus Detention Messages

This actually sounds like a good prank to me. I wonder if schools also send apologetic messages to the parents every time they hire a child molester, or their teachers beat kids up, or the principal is a drunk. For more stories like these check out!It's gotta be somebody's responsibilty to keep the public informed.

Students request materinty leave

Birth leave sought for girls

I'm just saying, I know 30-year olds that go back to graduate high school.

I'm not suggesting that these student be "punished" and "forced" back to school the next day, but it is what it is. High School is not going anywhere.

Maybe Denver should try and work on the fact that over 50 girls (out of 1000) get pregnant before the age of 17. Maybe there's something else we're missing about their school system.

Roach report in for Collier high school

Roach report in for Collier high school

Picture any home or building you've been in that has roaches or rats. Got it? I am guessing the place is a dump. A well-kept building should have no problems keeping critters out. You don't just develop a roach problem over-night. I promise this has been getting worse and worse until the levy finally broke.

This is great for a learning environment. It must be easy to concentrate knowing there are roaches crawling through your backpack at all times. A nicely kept school can usually generate a buzz around the hallways if even one rodent was spotted. I couldn't imagine having to use the word "infested" to best describe your situation. They must have paid top dollar for the expert who decided that the students need to stop eating in the classrooms.

400 pounds of bombs unearthed at Middle School

There's no sense if trying to smuggle weapons past security at this school when you can dig up missles in the playground.
At some point you would think somebody has information that a WWII training ground exsisted on land you intend to build a school on top of. They found bombs, machine guns and even a tank. And much of this stuff was still live!
I could only imagine the egg hunt these kids could have had on Easter.

Prank Shuts Down High School

Prank Shuts Down High School

High School Employee Pilfers $580

Employee arrested for stealing from Hartford Union High School

Win Lottery, Then Return to School

Win Lottery, Then Return to School

SHOCK: shooting range operating at high school

Pols stunned shooting range operating at high school

Prosecutor charges Fishers principal with DUI

Prosecutor charges Fishers principal with DUI

Southington High School to use new anti-alcohol tool

Southington High School to use new anti-alcohol tool

Alarms Go Off At Vandalized High School

Alarms Go Off At Vandalized High School

Dirtbag Throws Dirt at High School Track Star

No leads in high school track incident

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