Story: Teacher arrested for molesting 4-year-old
Sorry sweetheart. Unfortunately you won't be getting the same kind of moral support as the "Freedom Writers" lady. We are just gonna have to file this one under another Florida teacher who has absolutely no concept of how to behave sexually around children.
Story: Teacher banned for using 'Freedom Writers' book
Here are the facts: 149 out of 150 parents signed a permission slip to have the book taught. The administration, however, feels that inspiring inner-city kids to achieve goals is not high on the priority list. They would rather prove a point by letting teachers know who is really in charge. Oh, and here's a little irony for you- the book is in the schools library!
Story: Man dressed as penis disrupts graduation
You have schools that lock out people from getting into the graduation, but somehow a guy in a huge penis outfit gets through security at this one. It was later rumored he was chasing after a girl dressed as a big vagina, but they found her in the bathroom crying about something.
Story: Prior Lake High to disallow hats
After reading the article, hats seem to be the biggest problem this school has ever faced. Kids are even throwing them off balconies! Clearly this must end. I think Hitler allowed hats, and look how that turned out.
Story: Charter Oak students upset by racial prank
One yearbook editor's idea of humor is changing the names of the students in the Black Union to fake, borderline derogatory "ghetto" names." Don't schools have advisor's who should be overlooking anything before it goes into print? At a school that is less than 5% black, these aren't the kind of jokes that are going to be forgotten.
Story: Amityville school targets 2nd-grader's 'N-word' T-shirt
The girl had no idea why none of the little black boys or girls would play with her. The mom on the other hand, was irate that her daughter threw a fit when she refused to wear her Klan garbs to school. So instead she went with Plan B, an offensive shirt that the girl really doesn't understand, but will be criticized and punished for.
Story: Teacher, 60, arrested for sex with teens
Ewwwwwwwwwwww. Gross! That's all I have to say about that.
Story: School locked down after 'ninja' sighted in woods
Something tells me that even during a lockdown, that a ninja would somehow be able to breach security. Which only further reminds us that ninjas are in no way a threat to school students.
Story: School District to Begin Microchipping Students
They want to track kids getting on and off buses by putting chips in everyone's back pack. This way parents and teachers will always know the exact location of every student. They also plan to constantly transmit signals and subliminal messages telling children to "CONSUME." Oh, and RoboCop will be enforcing attendance when kids are caught where they shouldn't be.
Story: Montana school searches for missing bison
My understanding is that they slaughter these animals right by the school, then immediately process them for lunches that day. That's cool. The rest of us are left guessing where our cafeteria meat comes from. And to really illustrate how rural Montana is, 130 bison can go missing and the town "has no idea where they're at." I'm guessing they've never had this problem in Manhattan.
Story: Father accused of stealing $65K from LA school PTA
I'm impressed this school was able to raise $65,000! It's too bad the majority probably goes to subsidize the cost of giving principals a raise in their salaries. Here's a lesson for the future...when raising thousands and thousands of dollars, either deposit into a bank account or get money orders made immediately. Don't trust one person (especially a non-school employee) to handle it all. Just a thought.
Story: Middle school library soaked by sprinkler
Do kids even read library books anymore? I thought that's what the Internet was for. They could have allowed everyone to play in the sprinklers during those 100 degree days the other week though.
Story: School Worker Charged with Child Corruption
I guess everybody has their own thing. This guys thing just happens to be taking inappropriate pictures with behaviorally challenged 7-year old girls. Oh, he's been doing it for close to three years. And we wonder why people are scared of technology and the internet.
Story: Student Suspended For Giving Teacher A Noogie
He was originally given a two-year suspension, but after an investigation he was cleared from accusations of giving other teachers Indian burns and wet-willies.
Story: Teacher Accused of Branding Kid With Cross
I am pretty sure this is how Jesus would have wanted it. In fact, isn't there a line in the Bible that says "Take your young disciplines and teach them my word by burning their skin with scolding hot irons." Apparently the line is blurry between teaching students Christian values and permanently branding them with images of the cross. Who would have thought?
Story: Mississippi School Holds First Interracial Prom
How did this slip under the radar?! This school has been holding segregated proms since the 70's... How does this happen? Isn't this what Moltov cocktails are designed for? Is this even legal? Can someone please help me understand how this is even allowed to happen, and how it DID happen?
Story: Gloucester Teens Had Pact To Get Pregnant
17 girls got pregnant at once. The superintendent responds by saying that the girls "lack a sense of direction." I guess it's a shame that their school couldn't provide that need. Otherwise their goal could have been to "Get accepted into a college together." On a related note, the boys involved all claim that they're exhausted, but it was worth it. Oh, except for the ones who will be fathers in a year. They're kind of second guessing their decision making skills.
Laurence, quick question buddy. Why not just use the four years of high school grades? I guess you couldn't charge students $45 each -- and the students would save almost 4 hours of their time, not to mention the books, hours and hours of prep, and stress.
"The 3-hour, 45-minutes test is almost as good a predictor as four years of high school grades..." says Laurence Bunin, senior vice president of operations at the board, and general manager of the SAT program.
Let's just do away with these useless tests. Why do we need to predict how well kids will do anyway? If they want to go, let them experience it.
Story: Students, parents aghast at Tesoro cheating allegations
Here's the thing. Kids are busy cramming garbage into their heads, blowing lines of adderall, and having butt sex on the beaches of the "OC" (yes, this is the high school where many of those kids go). Meanwhile, Omar is out learning locksmithing, tactical surveillance, computer security, etc. I always find it hard to justify punishing these kids when they are so smart. Just give him a scholarship to MIT.
DetentionSlip POP QUIZ! (Answer in comments)
- What movie is the above still frame from?
- Extra Credit: What OTHER post on DetentionSlip.org featured a different still frame from the same movie?
Story: Students' laxative-spiked cake sends Brooklyn teachers to hospital
Didn't these teachers learn when Odysseus tried this same stunt like 3000 years ago? Or has mythology been cut from the curriculum as well.
Story: Teen shot outside high school graduation
Since it was after graduation, the principal doesn't have to chalk this up to school violence. So they're off the hook. Instead, it becomes a city issue of teen violence. Maybe someday everyone can join minds and figure out how to prevent this from happening again.
Story: San Jose teens suspected of torching school toilets
You can tell when a student really misses attending classes when they go back and visit within days of school being out. It was probably just an extra-credit science experiment gone wrong. These kids are such over-achievers. Talk about getting a head start on your studies.
Story: Ex-teacher's trial in school threats case to begin
You may remember DetentionSlip breaking this story back in February. She basically went nuts after she was asked to teach a different grade level. Well she's finally on trial after posting threatening notes and creating bomb scares around school. We can only hope that the judge doesn't have to change any dates of the trial, only to set her off again. But at least they'll already have their suspect when the words "DIE JUDGE" appear in the womens bathroom.
Story: Boring Middle School principal selected
In an effort to curb enthusiasm at an Oregon Middle School, the district went to all ends to make sure this principal offers no sense of fun during the school day. They concluded that increases in heart rate may pose a possible threat to health and safety.
(Editors Note: We are well aware that the name of the school is Boring.)
Story: Lockout upsets grads' families
It's ok though, they provided TV screens to watch the ceremony on. What a way to thank parents for all their support over the years...by not allowing them to watch their son/daughter walk the isle on graduation day. The school also has future plans to make sure that relatives are prevented from attending weddings as well. And though the logistics aren't final, they also don't want any of their graduates or their families to witness the birth of their first born children.
Story: Parents sue school after bullied son commits suicide
When we allow video games to raise children into believing that there are no consequences to bullying, this is what happens. Teachers are even guilty of picking on kids, we all know that. And at a school of less than 300 students, EVERYONE knows when it's going on. Does this mean that not one person took it upon themselves to create a comfortable environment for this boy? Hmm, makes you think.
Story: Teacher Accused of Sexually Assaulting Elementary Student at School
You can pretty much scratch the "Teacher of the Year" award off the list of things this guy will accomplish. And while you're on the list, you may as well add "embarrass my family, ruin future career opportunities, and practice no self-decency."
Story: Teachers defend shock tactics in DWI program
I'm pretty sure there are better ways to curb drinking and driving than to orchestrate a school wide conspiracy where the entire student body is led to believe several of their classmates have been killed in a car crash for hours on end. "They were traumatized... we wanted them to be traumatized" says guidance counselor Lori Tauber. Always good words to hear from the school guidance counselor. We welcome your letter of resignation Ms. Tauber.
Story: Principal Tasered During Drunk Driving Arrest
The reason you don't find this article in the news: "Businessman Tasered During Drunk Driving Arrest" is because we need to hold teachers and school faculty to a certain expectation. And that is, we expect those who care for our children to act responsibly and set positive examples. Last I checked, drunk driving is NOT responsible. Oh, and neither is resisting arrest to the point of electrical shock. Someday, we'll get it right.
Story: Police say Mesquite football coach pawned school items
Unfortunately, when your salary is already over 90k a year, driving around town with new bling isn't gonna be a red flag for profiting off stolen goods. Maybe someone should have questioned why this high school had the most hi-tech locker room in the nation. This is a tough one...seeing as how this guy just brought home a state championship, who's going to want to fire him?
Story: Bilingual Sign At Elementary School Riles Resident
Tal vez esta persona tiene que aceptar el hecho que "blanco" no es la única raza.
Story: Federal Judge Rules Fox News “Gullible” and “Unprofessional”
Basically, the paraphrased story is: A couple kids pulled a goof on a couple other kids during lunch. The incident was documented and handled by the school. Another kid put a story on a website to parody the situation. FoxNews then took it upon themselves to report the story, based on the satirical site, causing the town to be in an uproar.
So what I've gathered is, even if schools try to do the right thing, students still somehow pay the consequences. Oh, and never trust your news.
Story: The Cons of Creationism
Great editorial re: The idiots in Texas who want to teach the "strengths and weaknesses" of evolution. One strength of evolution is that it allows for the most fit characteristics to be passed on to the next generation. One weakness is that we still have to deal with the leftovers until they are totally selected against (i.e. creationists).
Story: 7 people arrested for cheering at S.C. high-school graduations
There's no better time for a school to flex it's muscle than right after handing a student his/her diploma. It's the one last time they get to rub it in the face of everyone that they suckered into following their rules for 12+ years. This time: No cheering at graduation. It's perfect! It really makes us feel special for dedicating so much time to an institution that has no problems seeing us get arrested for showing a little deserved emotion. Maybe those 30% or more students who never even graduate are on to something!
Story: Redding high school paper to be shut down after flag-burning photo
I know it's against the law to actually burn flags, but I wasn't aware we can't publish pictures or write about this act. Does that mean they would have been in the same trouble for showing a picture of someone smoking weed, or a picture of an illegal immigrant working in the U.S? Isn't the idea of free press in tact so we can express ourselves without censorship. Hey guys, you're more than welcome to write for the team at DetentionSlip.
Story: Custodian Arrested For Fondling Young Girl
Maybe this guy didn't get the memo...There's nothing hot about third graders! Your job is to keep the school looking nice. If they needed you to molest little girls, you'd be in Malaysia, not California. Let these kids walk to halls in peace.
Story: Uniforms in L.A. schools considered
Let's not give up on them just yet.
Story: 7 Pascack students suspended for sharing nude photos of classmates
Kids don't just acquire naked pictures of their friends. Aren't people realizing that the only way children are getting these pics, is because little girls think it's cute and are willingly taking photos of themselves. It's not gonna do any good suspending anyone for sharing the pics. There needs to be some intervention that educates these girls about what they are actually getting themselves involved in.
Story: Heat closes dozens of Connecticut school districts
This message just in from Miami: "Deal with it!" It's 90 degrees and schools are closing in Connecticut, Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, all of the original 13 colonies! I think the North just got together and asked each other, "It's late in the school year, do we really want to be teaching? Or do we wanna be at the beach having wild bashes!?"
Story: Teen charged with crime for bringing pony to school
The crime she was actually charged for was "rubbing it in the face of every other girl who was never fortunate enough to own a pony as a child." It's an odd crime, but nonetheless, the law is the law and it had to be enforced.
Story: Proof of "Educaiton" on Diploma Embarrasses Ohio High School
If the word "irony" was on their diplomas, I'm guessing it would have been spelled wrong too. It makes you feel optimistic to know that the institutions that educate our children don't even have the sense to double check for errors like this. I would say that having "Education" spelled correctly is a pretty big deal. After all, that's what everyone is paying for.
Story: Boy sought after bulldozer hits Willis school
Don't bulldozers travel at like 2 mph? You're telling me nobody saw this kid slowly move his way from a construction site, through town, and to a school? It was later learned he was mimicking the "chicken" scene from Footloose. When he realized that the building was not going to budge, he had no choice but to bail. Needless to say, he didn't get the girl.
Story: Man, 94, to Receive High School Diploma
Finally...he can get a decent job.
Story: Boy points loaded gun at Portsmouth middle school classmate
Well, that's one way to have your report card withheld. There are a few things that can kind of get overlooked at the end of the school year, but pointing a loaded gun at a classmate is not one of them. Live and learn!
Story: Rodent Causes Elementary School Evacuation
The rodent was thought to be armed and highly dangerous. "Students were all evacuated and taken to their safe havens," quotes the article. I guess there's an action plan for everything.
Story: Teacher arrested for threatening to 'rip eyeballs out' of student
So you're telling me you're not allowed to rip kids eyes out, urinate on them, and then kill their family? Isn't this what we pay teachers for? Evidently that's the impression this guy was under. However it should be noted, that the teacher loves the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.
Story: Wisconsin high school officials propose topless-fan ban
Another policy that will be based absolutely nothing. There is no documentation that this has ever been a problem at sporting events. They argue that "students are not permitted to be shirtless in class, so this should be enforced at games as well" OK. But are students playing 40 minute basketball games during class too? It makes sense that we should discourage school spirit. Who wants to show pride in their school anyhow?
Story: Teacher accused of sexual misconduct with several students
It's been a couple months, but Florida teachers are finally back on the radar. If any of her students were wondering why they don't get their test scores back in a timely matter, it's because this teacher has been busy meeting 14-year old boys on MySpace and inviting them over for sex. I hope they understand.
Story: Teacher accused of taping 9-year-old to chair
You gotta wonder what goes through the minds of the rest of the students as they witness their classmate being wrapped up in tape, and then more or less held hostage for 90 minutes. But I guess this is the next alternative to handling behavior problems when the teacher runs out of discipline referrals.
Story: Class president arrested after senior prank
"I am not a role model." It's a shame we can't even count on the good ones to make us proud. But then again, name a president (of the united states) that has never been in trouble for anything? Let's stop blaming the parents and point fingers at the Commander in Chief.