School bus driver accused of brandishing knife

Story: School bus driver accused of brandishing knife

Summary: Girls eat cookies on bus, driver threatens to slice their wrists if they don't clean up the crumbs. This is how most sensible people would react, right? Not sure if this guy is an old war vet or not, but in 2008 this is not how we talk to sixth graders. It is also rumored he had plans to chain them to a bed spring connected to a car battery, until he got the answer he was looking for.

Elementary school VP arrested on drug charges

Story: San Bernardino elementary school VP arrested on drug charges after shooting

Some educators like to scrapbook on the weekends. Other enjoy outdoor activities such as kayaking. While some prefer the dangerous world of drugs and guns. It has got to excite parents to know their children are in the safe hands of criminals.

9-year-old called drug dealer over cough drops

Story: 9-year-old called drug dealer over cough drops

The suspect was apprehended with approximately six ounces of Halls Defense Vitamin C tablets. The crime? Helping strengthen the immune systems of her classmates. The administration actually had to meet to decide whether or not the cough drops should be considered an illegal drug. Next time, the girl will wise up and do business across the street, off of school property.

Janitor fired after racist Christmas ornament found

Story: East Texas school janitor fired after racist Christmas ornament found

This janitor seems to have a different definition of "White Christmas." He would prefer hanging nooses instead of mistletoes. Well, his warped holiday spirit just cost him his job, and made the school feel a lot better about the people they hire.

School mispells spelling bee champs name

Story: No spellcheck on school sign

It apparantly doesn't take an eighth grade education to land the job as marquee manager. In what we all hoped (but were sadly let down) was meant to be ironic, the boy was congratulated by seeing a mispelling of the most common name in the English language- Michael. Not to discredit the competition, but Michael happened to be the only one who noticed the error.

Letter to Santa leads to molestation charge

Story: Letter to Santa leads to Texas molestation charge

What's the best way to find out there is no Santa? Well, for one 9-year old Texas girl it was asking for her and her sister to stop being raped by a school employee. But I guess this also supports any advocates of allowing young children to believe in Santa Clause. Because if it wasn't for the magic of Jolly Ole St. Nick, these girls would have to continue their "nightmare of sexual abuse." I wonder if prison inmates celebrate Christmas?

22 students caught with alcohol at Middle School

The students created a ring where they would steal booze from their parents, mix it in with soda or juice bottles, and sell it to classmates. Don't these kids know that you need a liquor licence to sell alcohol? After they got caught, they began bootlegging the hooch through local lemonade stands. Since 13-year olds have no concept of mixed drink prices, local teachers kept them in business after catching wind of their rock bottom deals.

9-year-old charged for threat with toy gun

Story: 9-year-old charged for threat with toy gun

Unfortunately, this boy does not have the luxery of being arrested by a fake cop and going to a pretend prison. At the ripe age of nine, he will now have a juvenile criminal record. Hopefully this doesn't set him back too much. We would at least like to see him get to 8th grade before he drops out of school.

Woman bit teacher at Roslyn basketball game

Story: Woman bit teacher at Roslyn basketball game

Some high school sports rivalries are highlighted by two teams battling every year to win the city championship. Others apparently get noted because fans bite each other. In a completely unrelated story, many students have been showing up to school wearing sunglasses, and Home Depot reports an increase in wooden stake sales.

2 charged after Klan-like hoods found outside school

Story: 2 charged after Klan-like hoods found outside school

There are still parts of the South that are having a hard time with the results of the Civil War. All we can ask is that schools take an active role during the education process with regards to issues like this. And we don't mean by tying girls together and pretending they are slaves.

Schools complain about energy drinks

Story: Schools complain about energy drinks

Administration does not like free sample give-a-ways because they don't stand to make any profit. If they get the right advertising rep in there, Red Bull could be sponsoring all of their athletic events. This is assuming that they offer a better deal than Coke or Pepsi.

Nut Bans in Schools May Be Spurring Hysteria

Story: Nut Bans in Schools May Be Spurring Hysteria

Some people believe that scaring everyone into thinking kids will die upon contact with nuts is going too far. Perhaps citing a recent story that a bus driver evacuated the whole bus because a peanut was found on the floor helps epitomize this panic. The article goes into detail about all the other things people can die from besides peanuts, but for some reason, the legume has become the #1 safety concern at many schools across the country. Sounds like fun.

Teacher Tells 7-Year-Olds Santa Is Not Real

Story: Outrage After Teacher Tells 7-Year-Olds Santa Is Not Real

What a way to ring in the Christmas spirit, by leaving a class of 7-year olds in tears after telling them there is no such thing as Santa. For some reason this teacher thought that these 25 students best hear it from a trusted adult, rather than a deceiving parent. The plan actually backfired when the kids realized there is no incentive to be naughty or nice, so they became disruptive or the rest of the day. (This is, of course, once they were done crying.)

Student suspended for bumper sticker

Story: Walla Walla student suspended for bumper sticker

The school went ahead and figured since the car was parked in their parking lot, that some of the language on her bumper sticker caused a disruption to the education process (which generally occurs in classrooms and hallways). Schools can go months and months with grafitti sprayed on their property, and do nothing about it, but the second they don't like the sticker a girl puts on her car- suspension.

Student is hit by egg, falls down stairs

Story: Student is hit by egg, falls down stairs

The class was doing the "egg drop experiment." Usually, you drop an egg from a given height and see if you can build a catch that will prevent it from breaking. One kid was under the impression that instead of dropping it, you're supposed to whip at at another kids face. Based on previous discipline cases, I am not surprised the student who threw the egg hasn't been arrested. Oddly, omlets were served for breakfast the next day.

Teachers complain about grading policy

"I got a 50% for skipping class!"

In an effort to record as accurate GPA's as possible, Pittsburgh schools hand out a grade of 50% for any missing or incomplete work. So basically, 0%=50%. You can see why some of the lesser motivated students are perfectly content with that score. I am glad we are teaching kids that by not trying at all, it's pretty much like giving half your effort. That little life skill will come in handy when they enter the job market, and are quickly fired for poor work performace.

School Caught With Inflatable Mattress Sex Room

"No time for cuddling, gotta get back to the classroom."

It seems that instead of working on lesson plans, all the teachers in this school decided to spend their lunch breaks having sex with each other. No word yet on how much of the school budget was spent on condoms and KY jelly. I wonder though, if this form of stress relief has a positive impact on teaching performance? That is of course, until they all break out in genital herpes from banging on the same disgusting air mattress.

School to Teach Kids to Fight Back Against Gunmen

Story: Controversy Erupts Over School Proposal to Teach Kids to Fight Back Against Gunmen

Rather than protect themselves and hide under a desk or something, some officials believe children should try to fight armed assassins by throwing backpacks at them. This will probably keep the shooter calm and not act irrationally. How many 10-year olds do we need to die as "heroes" until this idea becomes a terrible regret?

School board not happy pages ripped from book

Story: NY school board: Don't rip out sex pages

Angry at references to oral sex in the book Girl, Interrupted, someone took the liberty of ripping all the pages out with this explicit material. The school board feels much more comfortable with students learning about sexual freedom through a character that Angelina Jolie made famous. This way, they don't have to budget for a sex ed instructor.

Teacher arrested, accused of viewing porn

Story: Substitute St. Paul teacher arrested, accused of viewing porn

You would think a substitute teacher would have plenty of time to watch porn at home, while they are not teaching. You would also think an adult in a school setting would have enough sense to not watch his sexy videos while students are walking around. However, it's teachers like this that keep fueling this website. It looks like they are here to stay.

Deer crashes in on elementary school

Story: Deer crashes in on Coopersville East Elementary

Maybe it's time Rudolph invests in a GPS and stops relying on his nose to guide him. In the future, we will have to design schools to prevent six-point bucks from trucking through classroom windows. The teacher says the students received a good lesson in animal behavior. I would say they got a good exercise in freaking out and being scared to death.

High school students caught changing grades

Story: Richmond County high school students caught changing grades

Here is a quick lesson in cheating: Don't tell your whole class you're doing it. And more importantly, don't change everyones grades to 100%! Just because teachers are older than high school students doesn't mean they are all complete idiots. Does this mean the education system is so bad that kids don't even know how to cheat properly?

Georgia schools ban corporal punishment

Story: Columbia County Board of Education bans corporal punishment

Dear Georgia,

Welcome to 2008. We are glad you decided to join most of the country in an effort to stop promoting violence as a form of discipline. Now you can allow parents choose who has the right to hit their kids. Please stay in touch and let us know how this works out for you.

Coffee mistaken for a gun causes scare at east metro high school

Story: Coffee mistaken for a gun causes scare at east metro high school

Authorities were unclear if the suspect wanted to unload some rounds, or scold students to death with hot coffee. As it turns out, he was just a simple man taking a walk in the winter trying to keep warm with a cup of joe in the morning. What a great reason to lock down a school. You have got to love eye witness accounts.

Student Sues Over Facebook Suspension

Story: Former Student Sues Over Facebook Suspension

Basically, the student posted a picture of her teacher with a caption that read "... the worst teacher I've ever met..." So since the girl did it from a home computer, and it posed no immediate threat or suggestion of hate or violence, the principal felt it was his obligation to suspend her from school. Maybe a better idea, would be for the principal to use some of that energy to focus on why students are completely unhappy with some of their teachers. Because as we all know, Florida has had its share of bad teachers.

Field Trips Canceled After Students See Autopsy of Classmate

Story: Field Trips Canceled After Students See Autopsy of Classmate

Ask yourself what might be worse:

A. Watching an autopsy.
B. Having a classmate die.
C. Having to watch an autopsy of your deceased classmate.

Boy, high school has really changed if this is the kind of shock therapy we are putting teens though. And to think, during a time of economic recession, this is how we are choosing to spend our education budget.

Student beat up for having cell phone

Story: Student: I Was Beat Up By Security For Having Cell

The first rule of the beating room, is that there is no beating room. According to reports, there is a seperate room in this school where students get rough-housed by security for various reasons. It is unknown whether or not Joe Pesci and Robert DeNiro are involved. Even if this is a rumor, what great press this provides the school as advocates of Zero Tolerance. Parents should be so lucky that schools are taking matters into their own hands.

Student arrested for poking classmate in butt with pin

He will soon be known as the Serial Pinner. The major flaw in this boys' prank, is that he forgot to include the "Kick Me" sign. It can only be assumed that there is already a paper shortage at his school, and he was unable to print the copies. And for the record, all butts are being examined to ensure there was no serious injury.

Mom upset teacher tied girl in slave lesson

Story: Mom upset teacher tied girl in slave lesson

It wasn't too long ago that we joked about a teacher taking history lessons to the extreme, and as luck would have it, dumb teachers never let us down. You can probably understand why some African-American parents might have a problem with their children being hog-tied and placed under desks as part of ridiculous demonstration about how slavery worked. And we wonder why the NAACP is still neccesary in our country.

School official changed 1000 answers on test

Story: City Finds Bronx H.S. Cheated On Regents Exam

Schools are so worried about students passing, that kids don't even need to pay attention on their tests. Not when they have the school erasing all the wrong answers at least. Teachers admit that their only other option was displaying the correct answers on the chalk board during the tests, but they figured at least one student would snitch to their parent. Students who actually cheated, now feel like it was a waste of their time.

GRPS gives failing students an H

Story: GRPS gives failing students an H

In an effort to curb the high drop-out rate, one school district decided to eliminate failing grades. Now none of these students will ever be faced with an 'F' on their report card. They can keep taking tests over and over until a better grade is reached. The rest of the country is currently scratching their heads trying to figure out why Michigan students have incredible GPA's all of a sudden and are getting into better colleges.

OUTRAGE: Special ed director parks in handicap space

Story: Special ed director parks in handicap space

It sends a very poor message when the administration does not follow the same standards set for the rest of the students and staff. Not to mention this is actually illegal. In related news, a gym teacher was spotted eating McDonalds, an English teacher was caught using spell check, a guidance counsel was seen smoking a joint, and the principal was in the hall without a pass.

School Soda Ban Has Limited Effect

Story: School Soda Ban Has Limited Effect

I am glad we poured thousands of dollars into researching this. We've been saying all along that if teens want Mountain Dew and Doritos, they are going to have no problems acquiring them. Replacing soda machines with juice and milk doesn't solve childhood obesity, because sugar has been around FOREVER. The only way to take an honest crack at this problem is getting kids active and playing outside again. I'm not sure why schools feel guilty about this shift in childrens' lifestyles.

Teacher faces lawsuit for cutting students hair

Story: Roanoke County school board on sharp end of student's haircut suit

I am pretty sure it's well within a teachers jurisdiction to decide what hair style young boys should have. In actuality, it's up to the mom to allow her child to look like a dirtbag or clean-cut. According the the report, the teacher also "pinned him against a locker and 'growled' at him about his hair." This sounds more like a scene from the movie Teen Wolf than a place to get an education. If the teacher ever has plans to open their own salon, please be advised that your guerrilla marketing plan comes across a bit too aggressive.

8-year-old student punched by teacher

Story: Police say teacher punched 8-year-old student

I can think of a million reasons to punch an 8-year old during class. You can only say you fell down the steps so many times before parents start becoming suspicious that someone is assaulting their child. Something tells me this guy voted 'yes' to corporal punishment. It's just too bad schools don't look too highly upon giving second graders black eyes.

Mom dives into trash after son’s work tossed

Story: Buckhead mom dives into trash after son’s work tossed

A crazy mom goes into her sons school demanding to know why a janitor tossed out the boys science project, so she decided to take matters into her own hands. She never did find the project, and according to the student, he didn't really care about it anyway. Not sure what the mothers big plans were if she did discover it, but we can only assume that if she brought it back home it would have went out with the garbage within days. Neighbors have now concluded that they know why their trash goes missing every week.

Georgia teachers say they’re not as qualified as feds say they are

Story: Georgia teachers say they’re not as qualified as feds say they are

Basically Georgia teachers are admitting they don't have the education or certifications to be classified as "highly qualified." And it's no mystery why Georgia has a graduation rate under 60%.

Schools cancel Thanksgiving dress up

Story: Schools cancel Thanksgiving dress up

The school has had kids dress up like Indians and Pilgrims for over forty years now, but all of a sudden some parents feel the tradition is racist and supports stereotypes. It's not like they are re-enacting wars and leaving bloodshed Native Americans everywhere. It's in innocent class of five-year olds who probably get the most fun by cutting shapes out of colored construction paper. Some protesters are also pushing for a holiday the day after Thanksgiving to honor American Indians, but it is predicted that too many panicky shoppers will be too busy loading up on electronics at Best Buy to remember to celebrate.

Bus Driver Asked Cheerleaders to Lift Up Shirts for $40

Story: Massachusetts School Bus Driver Allegedly Asked Cheerleaders to Lift Up Shirts for Money

Sometimes when I am driving home a bus full of high school cheerleaders, my mind plays tricks on me and I think I am at a strip club. It's a sure-fire mistake to lose your job every time. It is rumored that in his severance package, he asked to collect his unemployment money in all single dollar bills.

Teacher charged after student found in closet

"Actually it's just a teenage girl I convinced to run away from home and live with me."

Teacher charged after student found in closet

Normally a closet is a great place for a 17-year old girl to hang out. This is because all of her shoes and clothes are there. But if it's in some guys house and you need it as a hiding space because you've been missing for over two weeks, it loses some of its appeal.

Teacher guilty of filming girls in bathroom

Story: Ex-Millbrae school teacher who filmed in girls bathroom gets 2 years

Who would have thought that in the year 2008 a teacher would try to get away with this. He was caught when the tech coordinator realized that the network was slowing down, mostly due to bathroom footage streaming onto this teachers computer. After an investigation, he was also found with drugs, and two tin cans connected by a string...which was believed to be used to retrieve audio from the girls room.

Teacher sells advertisements on tests

Story: Funds sliced, teacher sells ads on tests

Well parents, your kids math tests have now been bought out by corporate America. The students actually admit they look forward to seeing the ad. Which in marketing terms, means "It's working!" So even after taking an hour long quiz, what have the students really learned? That everyone has a price. So while the teacher is making the money needed, the students are getting tired of taking five tests every week.

Cheerleaders' parents sue in nude photos incident

Story: Cheerleaders' parents sue in nude photos incident

I am not sure how the parents are going to approach this one. At some point they'll have to come to terms with the fact that their 16-year old daughters took naked pictures of themselves, sent them to friends over the phone, and in short time the pics spread like wild-fire around the school. Last I checked that is still classified as distribution of underage porn. It must have been a lot easier years ago when all a principal had to do was raid a football players locker to find stacks of Hustler.

New York School Renames Itself For Obama

Story: New York School Renames Itself For Obama

It's not that DetentionSlip doesn't have faith that president elect Obama will make an impact, but the city of Miami also invested their hopes that Jose Canseco would one day become the greatest baseball player ever when they began naming everything in the city after him. The lesson here: let's allow Barack to spread his wings a little before we toss him into the air to fly.

Student arrested for farting and turning off computers

Story: Martin County student arrested for passing gas, turning off classmate's computer

Don't worry, you read it right the first time. This 13-year old boy had a habit of disrupting class by breaking wind and turning peoples computers off. CLEARLY, the only solution to resolve this is by placing him in handcuffs. Again, are we trying our best to create criminals at the earliest age possible? We understand that there are some challenging behaviors in the classroom, but their has to be a more positive way of engaging him than arresting the boy. On a related note, several other students in the school have reported flatulence problems and stomach cramps in fear that releasing a fart will land them in similar trouble.

Porn star works in elementary school

Story: Vineland school aide in adult films

For some odd reason parents are a little uneasy that one of their childrens helpers used to star in porn movies. Maybe it's because they want their kids to grow up with morals and ethics and don't feel comfortable with them being able to download nude pics of their teachers online. For those readers who wish to form their own opinions, her name was Crystal Gunns.

Girl, 10, Drafted School Hit List

Story: Girl, 10, Drafted School Hit List

There is no reason a 10-year old needs to have a hit list. She needs to have a Barbie collection. We will see if the school decides to label her as a terrorist and criminal, or if they realize that she is just a young girl who needs some friends to talk to.

Bayside High Student Suspended For ‘Noose’

Story: Bayside High Student Suspended For ‘Noose’

Another case of an uneducated white kid who thinks it's cute to have a noose hanging from his truck. It is alleged that the rope may have been used for a trailer hitch, but what he planned on hitching is unclear. Something tells me this boys' father will defend the knot.

Teen In Trouble For Hugging Teacher

Story: Teen In Trouble For Hugging Teacher

It would suck to have a juvenile record at the age of 13 for committing a sex crime. It would suck even more if the charge was for "hugging." It's not like this kid pressed the teacher into her car in the parking lot after hours. Well, if we can't encourage students to be friendly and show affection, we can only assume we are teaching them the opposite.

Teacher Accused of Sending Nude Photos To Teen

Story: Former Teacher Accused of Sending Nude Photos To Teen

Here's the burning question: Did the rise and accessibility of technology help expose all the child predators, or have adults become so desperate that any 14-year old will do? If for some reason you are into taking nude pics of yourself and downloading them on cell phones, and what point does the next obvious step become sending them to an underage teen? All I know is that we have a long road ahead of us until we purge all these helpless teachers from the education system.

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