Teacher Accused of Cutting Student

I often look back and think I would have learned a little better if I would have been willing to shed some blood in school. Usually most "classroom demonstrations" end with students getting cut in the stomach, right? Coincidentally, it is these same demonstrations that end teaching careers. Well, Mr. Bob Henninger, hopefully CutCo is hiring.

School holds pole dance class

Story: School holds pole dance class

I guess this is fair...some school offer metal shops and auto body classes for the boys, why not give young women the life skills they could use to pay their way through college. They only problem is that for some unknown reason, parents didn't like their 14-year old sons coming home with strip-pole footage recorded on their cell phones. Parent's these days!

Teacher on Leave After Making Racial Slur

Not sure exactly what was said, but the teacher did claim she "didn't know what the slur meant." Just for the record, a lot of 2nd graders use that same excuse. That's because they actually don't know what some things mean! Well, hopefully she is clear when the school distrcit asks her to not return.

NY boy dressed as girl to cheat on exam

Story: NY boy dressed as girl to cheat on exam

This is about as far as you can take it to get out of a test. It's also probably one of the most obvious ways to get caught. Test proctors suspected something fishy when the "girl" started farting and talking about football and lifting weights when the test was over.

Elementary Teacher Accused Of Having Sex With One Of Her Pupils

Story: Elementary Teacher Accused Of Having Sex With One Of Her Pupils

I think 5th grade is about the time a boy should become sexually active. I also think his teacher should be the one to help make that determination. 11-year olds are perfectly capable of having meaningful relationships with 30-year old adults. Now you know why we actually need to have this law written down.

Lesbian Students Can Be Expelled

Story: Lesbian Students Can Be Expelled

At first, the school wasn't too worried because they were sure the girls would burn in hell anyways. But then they thought they would tamper with students future's as much as possible. So basically, sexual preferance can keep you out of a school. Some people must get a kick out of holding others back.

Buffalo Considering Metal Detectors In Schools

Story: Buffalo Considering Metal Detectors In Schools

They are also considering a policy that requires all students who enter the school have two valid forms of ID, remove their shoes for inspection, and be able to say the alphabet backwards. When our ancestors began imagining what the future would hold for educating children, I am almost positive they did not have metal detectors in mind.

Court says cheerleader can't sue school after fall

Story: Cheerleader can't sue school or spotter, court rules


Coach faces reckless homicide charge in heat-related death

Six athletes died last year from heat-related incidents. Sadly, this is somewhat common in sports (usually football) from high school to the pro's. Are the coaches over-working them, or is it less predictable? One thing is for sure- Nobody is forced to play high school football. Are the parents taking this too far by blaming the coach for a death? You tell us.

Teacher caught on video swearing at students

Story: Community reacts to Fox Creek teacher cursing at students

The seemingly collected teacher began slamming objects and yelling, "I've worked d*** hard ... to get this f****** place in order..." Well buddy, once you get your walking papers, you'll have some down time to think about how "d***hard" you worked to earn your wasted masters degree. Because something tells me not too many school districts are attracted to educators who cuss out their students.

Coach fired after winning 100-0

When we first reported this story, we were quick to blame the coach. Now, less than a week later, so does the rest of the country. He still has no shame about the victory, thus reassuring us that he is in line behind the Tin Man for a new heart. But then again, for some people, maybe crushing a team with learning disabilities is the only way you feel like a real man.

Some School Children Miss Inauguration

Story: Some School Children Miss Inauguration

The principal told the teachers to only show it if it "tied in with their curriculum." Evidently the most historical presidential inauguration in our country's history doesn't seem like an educational piece. As you can imagine, there are many groups unhappy about this. It makes you wonder what else some of our schools are holding back on?

Recess Makes for Better Students

Who would have thought that some unstructured, non-classroom time might actually benefit children. The problem is many schools became more focused on making sure students pass standardized tests (because of NCLB), than developing a child academically AND socially. And based on other statistics, it doesn't look like kids are getting their fill of "play time" at home, unless you count Nintendo Wii.
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Principal accused of drunken driving with daughter, 6

It's a shame when some of the first memories of daddy's little girl include smashing into telephone poles and mailboxes together. I guess they won't be asking him to do the annual "Don't Drink and Drive" speech at prom time this year.

5th grader kicked out of school for pink hair

Story: Sawyer student can't go to school because of hair

This is why Jem had to drop out of school to become a rock star. Note to administrators: The actual disruption a hair cut causes lasts only a couple of hours on the first day. When you create media stirs and kick kids out of schools because they dyed their hair, wouldn't you agree this causes much more of a distraction for the whole school? Oh well, one day we'll get it right.

Schools debate: Is cursive writing worth teaching?

I will give you one good reason why cursive is not worth teaching- Because kids hardly even use standard handwriting today. Your best best would be teaching them to type fast in first grade, because most students can't even sign their names by fifth. There is no reason to hold on to an ancient font style. All cultures come to terms with this eventually. Just ask Egypt.

Girl's Hoops Team Regrets 100-0 Blowout Win

Maybe they would start feeling bad when it was 59-0 at halftime. Maybe. Or perhaps somewhere around the nineties they would start to ease up and realize the other team isn't scoring. You ready for the punchline? The team they beat is a school for children with learning disabilities! Let's not put all the blame on these heartless teen girls though, because afterall, the coach is the one who calls the shots. Hopefully they have pick-up games in Hell.

Bus Driver Found Guilty of Slamming Brakes to Throw Children From Seats

Maybe you remember when we first covered this story. The driver still pleads innocent, but 19 kids that went to the hospital are smart enough to know the difference between an 'accident' and 'on purpose.' You gotta ask yourself, with so many people losing their jobs recently, wouldn't you want to try a little harder to keep yours?

PTA President accused of stealing funds

He was also found in the boys bathroom; holding them by their ankles and shaking their pockets empty. So much for trusting strangers with thousands of dollars.

Grass Fire Evacuates School

Story: Grass Fire Evacuates School

"Officials say it seems a squirrel started the fire." Maybe they should stop letting Boris Badenov investigate the crime scenes.

Schools stop to watch Obama speech

Most schools across the country halted class to watch the historic presidential inauguration on TV today. (We are still waiting at the tipline to hear from schools that did NOT allow the viewing of this. Come on Mississippi readers, we know you're out there.) The last time the whole country viewed ONE event was 9/11, and before that was when JFK was shot (We are checking with the research department, because the OJ Simpson verdict might qualify). However, the goal is that this new president can inspire a nation of students and educators to make changes and strive for improvement. When education becomes a priority, and our public school system stops failing, then I guess our days at DetentionSlip will be numbered.

Mt. Pleasant school to offer buyouts to senior faculty, staff

Story: Mt. Pleasant school to offer buyouts to senior faculty, staff

In other words, the schools wants to get rid of all the experienced teachers because they get paid too much, and replace them with fresh college grads who can start at the minimum salary. What a way to show your appreciation to the faculty that have invested years and years into these children. If this logic works, NY Yankees owner George Steinbrenner plans to let go of all his overpaid all-stars, and fill his line-up with rookies.

Calif schools may have sold tainted cookie dough

Story: Calif schools may have sold tainted cookie dough

Nothing like a little salmonella sale to help raise money for school. They also have plans to sell rusty nails and shards of glass. The good news? Many New Years Resolutions can live another week longer without having cookies at home.

Teacher fired for using duct tape on student

Story: Teacher fired for using duct tape on student

Rather than using conventional discipline or techniques you've learned in training, taping a kids mouth shut sounds like something an 18-year veteran teacher would try and get away with. Too bad his parents, administration, and the school board looks poorly upon something like this. Since the boy is a minor, it has not been released whether or not he had pre-pubescent facial hair that was painfully ripped off in the process.

1st grader left sleeping on school bus for more than 2 hours

Other than suffering from hypothermia, fear of being left alone, and his parents being outraged, it seems everything is back to normal. There is nothing like a little frostbite mixed with child abandonment to snap a kid into shape. After hearing these stories recently, I am starting to wonder if school might actually be safer than the bus ride there. I can see overlooking a skittles wrapper under a seat, but a 6-year old boy?

School eliminates high-school credits for 8th-graders

Story: School board eliminates some high-school credits for 8th-graders

In an effort to slow down the learning process as much as possible, some South Carolina school students will not be able to learn English, Math, Science, and Foreign Language at the level they they are capable of. I guess the school board does not see any advantages in challenging students. It is also rumored that their superior athletes are being asked to play with one arm behind their back.

Student, 15, charged in brownie theft

The real culprit? Childhood obesity. When are we gonna learn that tempting teens with sugars and sweets is only going to lead to irrational decision making. I will bet if the cafeteria filled its shelves with fruit salads and whole grain that these crimes wouldn't be happening. It is well known that brownie theft is a gateway behavior that leads to a life of doing time...the hard way.

2 Mothers On Hunger Strike For School Budget Cuts

Story: 2 Mothers On Hunger Strike For School Budget Cuts

It is rumored that these moms aren't really protesting the budget, by trying to lose weight. They figure not eating at all is the easiest way to stick with their New Year's Resolution. If in fact the entire school district in Miami decides to reverse its budget cuts, the only downside is the glorification of anorexia.

Gunfire hits Chicago school bus; 2 students hurt

It's a shame when school buses have to evaluate their routes based on the activity of stray bullets. Maybe from now on the buses will require bullet-proof glass. Otherwise these kids better get used to ducking.

Court rules that teachers can have sex with 18-year-old students

Story: Court rules that teachers can have sex with 18-year-old students

In a completely unrelated story, many colleges and universities are reporting an unusual spike in interest from adults wanting to go back to school to pursue teaching degrees.

Bus Driver Arrested for Hitting Student and Fleeing

It's a simple mistake. The driver misread the instructions. Where it said "Sit students on the bus," she thought it said "Hit students with the bus." It's a rookie mistake that hopefully the county takes into account when they screen their replacement driver. So if you're in the Cleveland area, have your CDL, and are good at not hitting teenagers on their way to school...there's a job for you!

Two Teenage Girls Arrested for School Arson

Story: Two Teenage Girls Arrested in Connection with Lockney High School Arson

Thanks to their little late night pyro show, these girls can now stop, drop, and roll all the way to twenty years in prison. All to probably get out of a math test.

Teacher accused of having sex with teen 300 times

Okay, we get the part that teachers shouldn't be having relationships with students. We also understand that a 29-year old should be nowhere close to having sex with a 13-year old student. But what we are trying to wrap our heads around, is how they got the number 300. First of all, who counts? And second, even if you did, at some point you would think they lose track of that number...say, somewhere in the hundreds. It was no surprise to learned the boy was an above-average math student.

Father, two sons charged in attack with baseball bat

Nothing like a little father-son bonding over sports. Unfortunately, this was not the dad of Ozzie and Jose Canseco taking his boys to the ballpark. This was a violent adult who has watched "3 o'clock High" one too many times and decided he didn't like the way his boy was being treated in school, so decided to take matters into his own hands (with the help of a Louisville Slugger) and beat down some teens in a high school parking lot. Gotta love masculinity!

Edmonds schools forcing parents to pay for lunches

Story: Edmonds schools forcing parents to pay for lunches

While some parents have been scamming the "free lunch" system for years, others actually need the assistance. The problem is, parents who do have money get too lazy and don't pay off their debts. Now everyone is suffering because cafeteria's are losing their operating budgets due to unpaid balances. So basically, it's cheese sandwiches for everyone!

Parents Sue After Kids Allegedly Strip Searched

Story: Parents Sue After Kids Allegedly Strip Searched

The girls had to get naked then 'squat and cough' after school security was on the lookout for a lighter that may have set off a fire alarm. What is wrong with completely violating the rights of young teens in an effort to prove who has the authority? It turns out that all they found was a lawsuit.

PETA Asks Schools with Fish Names to Change Name to Sea Kitten High School

Story: PETA Asks Schools with Fish Names to Change Name to Sea Kitten High School

PETA, who generally stays out of the limelight in terms of drawing attention to crazy causes, now feels that since fish have feelings, we should not name schools after them. Whitefish HS and Spearfish HS are two of the proposed schools that NEED to switch to Sea Kitten High. PETA basically argues that everyone needs to stop fishing and eating fish, and the "kitten"name is much more adorable so people will be sympathetic. Ahhh, for some reason this story is giving me a headache.

6-year-old brings loaded handgun to school

Story: 6-year-old brings loaded handgun to Calif.school

What gang problem in L.A.? I'll bet parents love hearing that .44 Calibers are falling out of first graders' jeans during recess. I guess GI Joe's aren't fun anymore...they need to have the real deal.

Schools spent $67K on cappuccino machines

Story: Schools spent $67K on cappuccino machines

Espresso machines are VITAL to the success of the future of our children. Any dollar amount should be approved to make sure we have enough cappuccino in the hands of all school employees. And if you're doing the math, $67,000 can afford the salary of at least two more teachers. But obviously, coffee is more important.

School bus stops at liquor store

First, who needs to go to the liquor store at 8 in the morning? Second, who would try and have a middle school kid hide a bottle of booze from the cops for you? Here is a well known fact about school buses: They are huge and yellow! You are not gonna fool anyone rolling one of those babies into the liquor store and think you're getting away with it. Hopefully, when she loses her job and drivers licence, the local bus has a route that swings by there for her.

Detroit School Asks Parents to Donate Toilet Paper

Story: Detroit School Asks Parents to Donate Toilet Paper

The economy is still struggling, and kids can't wipe their butt in school. I can only imagine how their budget looks for text books or computers if they can't even afford the stuff you normally assume is stock-piled in the janitors closet. Don't worry though, the principal will still get his/her bonus this year.

Principal Bans Students From Hockey Game

Story: Needham Principal Bans Students From Hockey Game

After too many complaints that students shouted to the other teams, "You suck!" and "Put away your clipboards!" the principal had enough. Even though this team is a defending national champion, and their opponents probably do suck, such suggestions could not be made by rowdy fans. Obviously, this principal is preparing his students for college and the real world, where fans are mild tempered and well-behaved.

Student brings gun to school, gets tasered

Story: Student brings gun to school, Gets Tasered by police

For many of us, it is now commonplace to hear about guns being brought to school. Even though these stories are now a dime a dozen, we wanted to remind readers that schools are safer than ever. That's why we have a uniformed officer on payroll at virtually every middle and high school.

NY teacher accused of ordering student penis video

Story: NY teacher accused of ordering student penis video

Some teachers send students out of the class for being disruptive. Others order them to go to the bathroom and record videos of their penis with the teachers cell phone. As if this story isn't horrible enough, maybe this will sweeten the pot- The boy was 11! Who ever said cell phones shouldn't be allowed in school?

6-year-old takes family car after missing bus

Story: 6-year-old takes family car after missing bus

It's simple: He missed the bus, so he grabbed moms keys (while she was sleeping) and took the family sedan for a joyride. You have to admire his desire to maintain perfect attendance in school, but what kind of parent raises a child to not wear their seatbelt? It's not as easy as when you're playing Grand Theft Auto, huh little buddy?

Classroom locked down after Facebook threat

Story: Classroom locked down after Facebook threat

Our forefathers had to deal with similar inconveniences, I am sure. This is more than likely just a kid who didn't want to go back to school after winter break. Well, while he is serving his 10 days suspension, he will have more time to finish his World of WarCraft game.

New Years Resolution: Don't stab classmates

Story 1: Boy Stabs Girl With Steak Knife at High School

It's the first day back to school for most Americans, and what better way to ring in the new year than to stab a classmate? I know it's hard to roll out of bed the first day back, but it seems it's equally as hard to resist first degree assualt charges. I thought the pen was supposed to be mightier than the sword?

Body found on SC playground

Story: Body found on SC playground as students return

And we wonder why some people think Tag might be too dangerous.

School buses fail checkups

Story: School buses fail checkups

A school bus can often be described as a death mobile. Pile in dozens of yelling kids and expect a driver to focus on traffic and making wide turns. For fun, throw in a few fuel leaks and broken lights and it makes the trip to school even more interesting. At least Dallas is now adding seat belts to prevent kids from rattling around after every bump and sharp stop. And we were always warned "it's the other drivers you have to watch out for."

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