Worst Halloween Party Ever

Story: Grapes and carrots vs. choclate bars: Schools rein in Halloween

Instead of candy bars, parents have been encouraged to send their students to school with: fruit, vegetables, pencils, or books for the library. Pencils for Halloween?!! How are kids gonna get a sugar-buzz from eating a pencil? I agree that healthy habits should be practiced in school, but let's make a couple exceptions please! Worst Halloween party ever!

Mythbusters: Do teachers love drugs?

Much like a few days ago had a surge of teacher sex scandals, it's seems the latest buzz has shifted towards illegal drugs. It started when one Arizona boy had to rat out his teacher because she was trying to barter deals to trace prescription meds with him. A Houston elementary school teacher already had her own stash and was caught smoking weed behind the school. At least she wasn't high on crack and involved in a 5mph slow speed chase through Dallas like another teacher. So it sounds like we have some pretty responsible adults caring for our children. And we wonder why some Florida teens think it's OK to have cocaine at an Anti-Drug rally during school.

Teens charged in football camp hazing

Story: 6 N.M. teens charged in football camp hazing

During the hazing, "younger players were told to 'take it like a man'." Apparantly, an essential step toward manhood is getting raped in the ass with a broomstick...by your friends. Maybe I missed that part of growing up, but I guess that explains why I don't have a lot of chest hair.

Schools re-consider R-rated films in classrooms

Story: Elmbrook schools consider restrictions on R-rated films in classrooms

Teachers have been showing movies with historical value to add to their lessons. Parents argue that they should only be showing PG-13 in schools. Last I checked, there are no 13-year olds in high school (except for the really smart ones in China). In addition, an rated R movie only requires adult supervision. And even though they might not always act like it, ALL teachers are adults. More importantly, why are we submitting to parents calling the shots on curriculum issues?

School teacher arrested in drug sting

Story: Breckenridge school teacher arrested in drug sting

Fact: Some teachers are forced to get part-time jobs on the side because their salary doesn't pay for all the bills. Fact: Selling drugs out of your home is highly risky and faces felony charges. Fact: Most parent DO NOT want their son/daughters teacher to be involved with drug lords. Fact: For a yet to be determined reason, this teachers class was very proficient in measuring and converting grams and kilograms.

Teacher sells textbooks on eBay

Story: Teacher faces 43 counts of official misconduct

The students just always thought he was a "cool" teacher for not making them read out of textbooks. It turns out the only lesson he was teaching was in grad theft. You would think that being in a school with so much technological equipment and other resources, you could find something a little more lucrative than textbooks. I mean, are there really people out there buying 10th grade US History books on eBay?

Big day for teacher sex scandals

Story 1: Towson Teacher Charged With Child Sex Abuse
Story 2:
Corrigan Teacher Arrested
Story 3: South Side teacher accused of sexual assault
Story 4: Music teacher arrested after allegation of lewd acts with boy

Maybe it's because the leaves are changing colors. Maybe it's the daylight saving switch. Maybe the freaks come out around Halloween. Or maybe we just have tons of middle-aged teachers who desire nothing more than to place themselves in sexual situations with very young children. Whichever the case, I think it's safe to say that the law will not be allowing them to serve candy to trick and treaters this year.

Mom sends nude pics of cheerleader rival

Story: Could It Be A Case of Cheerleader Rivalry?

The Bring It On movies have nothing on these two schools. Evidently the rivalry is so intense that parents on opposing teams are driven to seek and send naked pictures of girls on the other side. At what point on the path to insanity does a mom think she needs to be doing something like this? She has nothing better to do than risk eight years in prison to defend her daughter's cheering ability? Additionally, my question is- Do the football teams even care?

Teacher Caught Helping Students Cheat

Story: San Antonio Teacher Caught Helping Students Cheat

What better way to prepare 4th graders for life than giving them the answers to tests?! With all the recent buzz about how hi-tech cheating has become, who needs it when your teacher will provide you with an A. It is rumored that this guy also taught them how to steal lunches from the cafeteria, and how to pick other students locker combinations.

Principal Bans Controversial T-Shirts

Story: Monarch Principal Bans Controversial T-Shirts

The above picture is what the shirts read: "Get Wet." The principal, choosing to use UrbanDictionary.com as his point of reference when banning the shirts, determined they are encouraging students to smoke PCP. Had the principal decided to use the more traditional, and generally more academic, MiriamWebster.com, these students might not be facing such trouble for "covering themselves in water." It's smart (and demonstrates a level of respect) to always assume the worst in children. Just like the old saying goes, "you're guilty before proven innocent."

School bans costumes from game

Story: Fillmore bans costumes from game

School officials also refuse to recognize that Halloween is a day that for the most part is celebrated by the entire country, and celebrated by dressing up in costumes. In the 80's the Friday the 13th and Halloween films were fine, but ever since the first Scream movie came out we've left adults with a sense of fear that anyone in a costume could be a potential killer. Now everything associated with Halloween is also directly linked to unsafe environments. So sorry kids, no football game for you. I guess that just means more candy!

Many schools avoid Halloween candy, costumes

Story: Many schools avoid Halloween candy and costumes

Candy? Makes kids fat. Costumes? Too distracting. Fun? Certainly not in my school. Schools, with the help of finicky parents, have gradually started removing anything interesting or creative about going to class. Pretty much everything that we might associate with childhood, some one has found a way to make it seem too offensive, inappropriate, or dangerous for schools. And yet we still sit around scratching our heads to why education is failing?

Teacher Accused Of Being Drunk In Class

Story: Edmond Substitute Teacher Accused Of Being Drunk In Class

Is it that hard to stay sober at school? It was learned that the lunch lady turned the teacher in for harassing her for another white Russian, when all they had was little containers of 2% milk. Police say she, "slurred her speech, stood unsteadily and generally smelled like alcohol." Ya, it's safe to say she was drunk.

Teen arrested after football streak

Story: Teen arrested after football streak

"The male was accessorized only with running shoes and a fake sword." Usually security would chase down a "streaker," but due to what was perceived as a 39-inch stainless steel sword, the decision was made to release African lions on him. After tearing through the first two, the nude runner was finally brought to justice by the third lion. Only his New Balance sneakers remained.

Up to 50 Teens Exposed to HIV at Missouri School

Story: Up to 50 Teens Exposed to HIV at Missouri High School

Here's the best part...the school isn't releasing any information! They're just telling everyone that free HIV tests will be available because students may have been exposed to the virus. No one knows how, or who, but all the kids are freaking out. Talk about an uneasy environment to try and focus on learning. Anyone could be HIV positive, but no one is sure how it's possible! Not the best PR piece for a principal.

Fake Officer Arrested At Elementary School

Story: Fake Officer Arrested At School

It's not quite Halloween yet buddy! You can understand why people don't feel comfortable with a stranger walking around a school with a gun. It was later discovered that the man had intentions of visiting other schools dressed as a fireman, a construction worker, and an Indian.

Teacher Accused Of Tying Students To Chairs

Story: Teacher Accused Of Tying Students To Chairs

Also on her list of fun classroom games was locking kids in dark closets, yelling in their ears, and suffocating their faces in water. In a room of mostly autistic students, where are the other teachers when this is happening? To no ones surprise, the parents of these children aren't happy campers right now. For some reason they don't want this dominatrix to be working around 6 year olds.

Father charged for punching son’s football coach

Story: Father charged for punching son’s football coach

Dad got mad that his son had to run laps, and there is no better way of resolving conflict than assaulting another person. I can only imagine what would ever happen if the boy got detention in school. But thankfully prison security guards will be monitoring this mans behavior for a while.

Student hacks into employees personal info

Story: School breach left personnel files exposed

It is every 15-year old boys dream to get ahold of the drivers license numbers of your teachers! All the boy did was prove how easy it was to hack into the computers and find personal data. Rather than take blame and admit that there was a huge security breach, the administrators felt that punishing the teen would best resolve this. But after thinking about it more, the superintendent finally made sense of why there were so many John Doe's working in the school district.

Students Injured When 3 Buses Collide

Story: Windsor Students Injured When 3 Buses Collide

Police are not sure what caused the accident. I've got an idea what might have happened. One bus crashed into another! I can see how the driver could have made the mistake of not seeing a bus in front of him. After all, huge, bright yellow object tend to camouflage themselves on the open roads.

Teacher on paid leave after showing porn clip

Story: Eastlake teacher on paid leave after porn clip shown in history class

For the record, this is NOT the first time a teacher has shown porn in class. This guy mistakenly taped over his late night Cinemax collection with some History channel documentary for his class. The problem? Had the school offered proper funding for classroom educational tools, then this teacher would not be forced to use his own resources. So maybe next time the students won't be exposed to Debbie Does Dallas simultaneously with the Battle of the Alamo, because that can get confusing.

Sixth-graders face discipline for 'Hit a Jew Day'

Story: Mo. sixth-graders face discipline for 'Hit a Jew Day'

Hilter would be so proud. There's nothing like singling out an entire group of students and collectively deciding that for some unknown reason, they need to be smacked that day. It was reported that the only Jewish students unaffected by these attacks were found quietly hiding in attics and kitchen cupboards.

Football players cited in alleged hazing incident

Story: Lorena High School football players cited in alleged hazing incident

Somebody better get a memo out to athletes everywhere that this kind of stuff isn't seen as "innocent fun" anymore. People have been known to press charges over name-calling incidents. Hey, a swirlie never hurt anyone. I'll bet those seniors are wondering if they should go back file assault charges against the old upperclassmen when they went through freshmen hazing.

School bus driver stops for beer while driving child

Story: School bus driver stopped for beer while driving child

Simple Science Project Instructions:
Materials Needed:
2 bus drivers, 2 busses, 40 students, 6 pack of Busch Light.
IF you need to drink beer during the middle of the day, THEN you probably shouldn't get a job driving kids around on a bus.
Have one driver perform route without purchasing booze.
Have the other driver stop during his shift to chug a beer.
Record Data:
See which bus driver keeps their job.
How Can I Test My Results?
Try this experiment in any school district in the U.S.

Coach Spends Uniform Money At Strip Club

Story: H.S. Coach Spends Uniform Money At Strip Club

Every time I went to a high school football game, I always wondered how many lap dances those uniforms could get me. This guy stole over $10,000 during three years. Talk about some well-paid strippers! So you're telling me that no red flags ever went up for his wife when he all of a sudden developed a night-life habit and came home with clothes smelling like beer and stripper sweat?

Parent hits cop, arrested at son's school

Story: Parents charged in disruption

In middle school, you start recognizing which of your friends parents are cool, and which ones are mean. Chances are if your mom and dad are fighting cops in school and swearing in the hallways, you're not gonna want to sleep over at that boys house. And there's an even better chance that NO parent is going to let their child over to that house. Way to go mom! Your immaturity pretty much ruined your kids childhood.

School to vote to drop KKK reference from name

Story: 'Forrest' in school name comes up for vote Nov. 3

It's 2008 and we we still have a school named after an infamous leader of the KKK? Talk about having a hard time mustering up school spirit. I wonder if their mascot is the Burning Crosses. Does Germany have high schools named after Hitler? I would also venture to guess that all those in favor of this name are white. Let's just hope that this school name gets put in the history books as well.

Venomous snake hospitalizes two during class

Story: Misidentified moccasin bites two E. Texas students

The great idea begins when the teacher encourages students to bring in wild animals to class. It continues when she determines she is an expert on venomous and non-venomous snakes. And this mind puzzler ends when she lets the kids pass the snake around the room. This isn't the Wild Kingdom on the Discovery Channel. Let's just assume this from now on: Snakes can be poisonous. DO NOT touch them. Did she have tarantulas and rabid raccoons crawling around the room too?

100 involved in NY school fights

Story: Hempstead High On Guard Following 2 Days Of Brawls

One student sums it up, "They be groupin' up, and I just had to defend my people and that's what I do." It's basically been the black kids fighting the Hispanic kids. The students blame the school for lack of security. The fact that these teens boast when they get suspended tells me that security isn't the main issue here. These race wars are only going to continue when they get to their prison cells if we can't come up with some inspiring ways to reach out to the troubled youth.

Texas High School Bans Hoodies

Story: North Garland High School bans hoodies

In a related story out of Dallas, student absentee rates are projected to rise this Winter due to large outbreaks of sore throats and pneumonia. The justifying cause for this rule was to make students more identifiable when fights break out. Here's an idea: Let's re-evaluate our discipline policies rather than make irrational dress code decisions. If you want to figure out which kids are fighting, try seeing who is coming to school with black eyes and scratched up knuckles.

School district says no tattoos on teachers

Story: School district to require employees to cover tattoos

A unanimous vote decided that no teachers in the schools can have any part of a tattoo visible. It was made clear that tattoos "don't have a good stigma." Not sure what the latest stats are, but it's gotta be something like 75% of adults are getting tattoos. It's become so commonplace that I am not even sure kids notice anymore. Too bad for all the education majors in college who just went out and spent $100 for that killer skull and crossbones ink on their calf.

Perfect attendance could win student a Mustang

Story: Perfect attendance could win student a Mustang

Ahh, she's a beauty isn't she? This is every girls dream come true. Imagine being the lucky teen who gets to ride to school on the back of a precious beast like this? Attendance is sure to sky rocket in this school district. I just hope they offer riding lessons.

Math mistake sees hundreds of teachers laid off

Story: Math mistake sees hundreds of teachers laid off

Let's not over-react. It was only an $84 million miscalculation that affected over 800 teachers. So let's ask the residents of Dallas if they think there is a problem with the current state of education. In most jobs, when people get laid off, it just forces the other employees work twice as hard. The same holds true with teaching, but the defect is that millions of young children are impacted by this lack of resources. But "oh, well," right?

Mom won't return 'Bunny Suicides' book to school

Story: Oregon mom won't return 'Bunny Suicides' book

She checked out this copy and plans to burn it. She also attests that she will check out any replacement copy the school purchases, and destroy those as well. It is also rumored that she is going to rifle through each shelf of the school library and look for any book that has a reference to sex, violence, drugs, or the devil. She will then crusade against any text books that suggest any glamorization of war. When she gets a chance to rest, it is assumed she will declare that she is clinically crazy.

D.C. Students Get First Reward Checks

Story: D.C. Students Get First Reward Checks, but Some Come Up Short

If you don't remember the original story, D.C. decided that the only way to get kids to study and come to class, was to give them paychecks. Even though a payroll glitch caused most of the checks to be short, some kids got up to $100 for get this- being a student. At this point, Frito Lay and Mountain Dew better get some reps in these schools and start filling them up with vending machines. I mean, what else is a 12-year old going to spend money on?

5,000 Chicago teachers may need more schooling

Story: 5,000 Chicago middle school teachers may be forced to get more schooling

And the bad news is?

Cheerleaders drunk at game are suspended

Story: Cheerleaders drunk at McIntosh High game are suspended

It was overheard in their cheer huddle, "F this, I want to go dancing." These girls have already begun paving their path for a future of hangovers and regret when they get to college. I am sure every frat guys eyes are lighting up at the thought of drunk cheerleaders. Meanwhile, the varsity football players have started frantically scratching their heads trying to figure out who is going to cheer them on for the rest of the season.

Coach accused of sending graphic pics to student

Story: High School coach accused of sending graphic pictures to student

When I was in high school, I usually got most of my weird animal porn from my coaches as well. What adult thinks it's an acceptable idea to send something like this to a teenage girl? I guess this is just another reason parents should be nervous about giving their kids cell phones.

Rule for school dance: Keep your clothes on

Story: Rule for school dance: Keep your clothes on

Basically, there are no more freak shows on the dance floor. No more bump and grind. Let's try to keep things at an arms distance apart. Dancing should be for individual enjoyment, with the exception of the Electric Slide. This is how some administrators feel. It's only a matter of time until school dances are canceled completely, that way the principal won't feel guilty for encouraging teen sex.

Girl, 9, jailed after classroom outburst

Story: Girl, 9, jailed after Fort Myers classroom outburst

On the school admissions transcript, they need to add the question: Does your child have the tendency to go nuts? This might help filter out some of the time bombs that come through the system. The moms answer- Let the school figure it out. The schools answer- Throw her in the slammer. I'd like to think somewhere in the middle is a solution. And I am guessing that solution comes in a little orange container with a prescription printed on the side.

Principal Accused of Choking Student

Story: Principal Accused of Choking Student

When educators are taught basic methods of restraining students, I've got a hunch that page one doesn't include wringing your hands around their neck. To top it off this guy has an audience full of witnesses (who are also conveniently enough now disgusted and concerned parents). I wonder what happens when his wife angers him?

Students suspended for satirical newspaper

Story: Students suspended for satirical newspaper

They also have to do 30 hours of community service. Do schools have the authority to issue that? Hopefully when they are serving their time, they will brainstorm ways to come out with an even better follow-up issue. Guys: if you're struggling for ideas, or also want to know all the legal loop-holes of getting away with successful underground newspaper, please don't hesitate to contact tips@detentionslip.org. Good luck with your journalism careers!

7th grader called racist for wearing Palin t-shirt

Story: 7th grader called racist for wearing Palin t-shirt

Maybe this is why so many other schools are banning election shirts altogether? I am sure, as a 12-year old, she is a die-hard Republican, but that is beside the point. The school again claims that this incident hasn't been reported, therefore they haven't stepped in to prevent it from reoccurring. I think the same thing happened in California years ago when students harassed a young boy for being anti-"human-cyborg-from-100-years-in-the-future" because he did not support Arnold Schwarzenegger.

High School Student Stabs Classmate Over $4

Story: Florida High School Student Stabs Classmate Over $4

Using all of my logic and common sense, I would say $4 is a good enough reason to go to jail. In fact, my only regret in life is not stabbing everyone I suspect may have taken denominations under 5 dollars from me. The principal is rumored to be considering have every student in the school attend a Knife Attack safety course.

Naked pic may lead to criminal charges

Story: Naked pic may lead to criminal charges

Once again, some 14-year old girl thought it would be a great idea to snap a picture of herself naked, and send it to only one friend. Now over 200 kids in school could face criminal charges because, wouldn't you know it, it's illegal to have pics of nude minors! When are these kids going to learn that are better ways to accomplish self-esteem and popularity than showing the whole school your goods. It used to be mostly hear-say and rumors about who the sluts were, now these teen girls are providing physical evidence.

Web site invites kids to snitch on bullies

Story: Web site invites kids to report bullies incognito

PRO: Students will not be embarrassed or shy to report bullying
CON: Bullies will become outraged at snitches and begin targeting them even more
PRO: The school can keep tabs on behavior patters among students
CON: Students can report false information, causing a lack of resources for faculty to investigate each case
PRO: Some students will feel safer knowing that problems have been reported
CON: Students will not develop natural social skills like the previous 25 generations

Kids Pulled From Transgender Teacher's Class

Story: Kids Pulled From Transgender Teacher's Class

Parents weren't too happy when they found out that Suzie and Johnny's favorite music teacher went from being a Miss to a Mister over the summer. The anger can be supported by pages and pages of research that show conclusive evidence that transgender patients develop poor teaching skills after the surgery. The parents also (while not having any concept of Privacy Acts) demanded that the school inform them of this change. As a result, the schools music program has unfortunately taken a downward spiral due to lack of interest.

Teacher wants sex favors for better grades

Story: Ex-Jim Ned teacher allegedly sought sexual favors

Apparently this guy was pretty relentless with his approach. I mean all he wanted was to touch high school girls' boobs and give them oral sex. We were all under the impression that teachers wanted to educate our youth and develop future leaders. But this one wanted to join the long list of perverts who only intend to corrupt young teens. I think we still have a long way to go until we reach full potential with good teachers.

Mom Angered to Find Obama Speech in Book

Story: Mom Angered to Find Obama Speech in Son's Middle-School English Text

This mother argues that she would much rather have her son read about John McCain telling his old war stories. With this logic, do we have to go back through all the text books to make sure that each party and each candidate is equally represented? Or can we all just agree that this is in fact a landmark election year, and it's worth being mentioned in a school book.

Deputy fired after professing love for 13-year-old girl

"Any of you girls looking for a date?"

The officer, falsely under the impression his duties are to "Serve, Protect, and fall in love with an 8th grader," will soon become part of an odd irony when the scumbags he generally works to put behind bars, will now be able to have their way with him. Is it too much to ask a school resource officer to not try to seek romantic relationships with middle school girls?

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