Lacrosse team suspended after spelling prom invitation on bare bottoms


Story: Lacrosse team suspended after spelling prom invitation on bare bottoms

What is actually happening here is that, with the explosion of text messaging in the last few years, face-to-face communication among teens has almost completely diminished and become foreign. Therefore, not knowing how to properly ask a girl to prom in person, this seemed liked the best alternative.


Bus driver suspended for harassing students



Him and his aide were responsbile for transporting 8 special needs and disabled students to school. Apparantly they see no problems with calling a 13-year old boy with Down syndrome an "F*ing little monster." Turns out the mom whom planted a tape recorder in his backpack did have a problem with that, as I'm sure the rest of civil society does as well. Is this really how these guys get their kicks?


Students Suspended For Alleged Cheating



Here's how to resolve this one: Give them a slap on the wrist for hacking the system, make them retake all the tests that they changed their grades on, give them a scholarship to one of the universities in Silicon Valley for a computer science degree, and then applaud them in five years when they are working for Google and making $100, 000 in their first year out of college.


Students Told To "Shave Eyebrows Off" or Don't Come Back To School



Recent research indicates that the number one way to single out gang members, is determining who is shaving their eyebrows to look alike. People have been cutting lines in their eyebrows for years. We're not saying that it doesn't look ridiculous, but it certainly isn't threatening. The real distraction to the learning day will come when they all come back to school with bald spots above their eyes.


Middle School Student Arrested For Sex Act



He probably learned it from his teachers. Either that or watching Joe Pesci in Casino.


Do schools kill creativity?



Story: Sir Ken Robinson: Do schools kill creativity?

"All kids have tremendous talents, and we squander them..."
Not a breaking story, but we found this clip on the TED video archive. It hasn't been widely circulated, so here it is. There are also some other great clips on the TED website, from a variety of topics.


Teacher Stole Senior Trip Money To Disney World

Story: Teacher Stole Senior Trip Money To Walt Disney World

Talk about a buzzkill. It sounds like this guy just started scamming kids with the hope of an awesome field trip. The least he could have done was used a fake name, grew a beard, and put on some shades to hide his identity. Did he think that no one would catch on when a hundred kids lined up an no busses ever showed up? Was he planning on just shrugging his shoulders and hoping that no one would ask for a refund?


Father stabs student at school


Way to take things into your own hands man! But who really has the patience to let a school district or law enforcement to resolve situations? Just add that to the list of things students have to worry about: crazy knife-yielding parents.


Teacher Sex Scandal Hits In Arkansas

Story: Teacher Sex Scandal Hits In Arkansas

Florida is falling behind here as the other states are getting all the headlines. Check out [this story] from the self proclaimed 'most progressive state' California for some girl on girl teacher/student action. But this Arkansas teacher has been bringing 12-year olds to secret cabins and getting them boozed and having them perform oral sex. Am I the only one who used to get weird if I even saw my teachers in public outside of the school?


Letter to parents suggests safe sex and alcohol for prom


Story: Bogus letter urges Lincoln parents to get kids booze on prom night

Well if you can't smell it in the air, it's senior prank season. The time of year when many innocent, harmless jokes result in a principal flexing his muscle by handing out suspensions as if they have an expiration date. We'll see how this one unfolds, but in the meantime, I heard those kids want the rubbers back that were included in the letter.


Middle school janitor faces 58 charges of child molestation

Story: Middle school janitor faces 58 charges of child molestation

You would think after around 55 or 56 times it would get old.


OMG: Teachers don't LOL or ;) at txt in skoolwrk


Story: OMG: Teachers don't LOL or ;) at txt in skoolwrk

This is a story about how stupid kids are getting. Their grades are going down because they are under the impression they can use 'texting-lingo' on the papers they turn in. Does this surprise anyone? I'll bet most students today are puzzled by why they can't text all of their assignments in to their teachers.


'Banana boys' suspended for senior prank

Story: 'Banana boys' suspended for senior prank

They dressed up like bananas and were chased by a gorilla through the hallways. "Four bananas were rounded up by school security" before this potassium posse was given a one week suspension. (I'm pretty sure the kid who brought a gun to school earlier this week is already back in class.) The suspended bananas plan to spend the week rotting away and turning brown in a wicker basket on the kitchen counter.


Students supended for skipping school to meet Barack Obama

Story: Truant Seniors in State of Animated Suspension

The HS seniors are the class president and VP and they are currently losing those titles for taking an opportunity of a lifetime. School officials claim that they are also extremely against 'career day.' Again, are these kids really the trouble-makers we need to be making examples out of?


As always, ignorance no obstacle to righteousness in California



It's inspiring to know that with the advent of space tourism, you no longer need to be a straight A math & science student to explore the heavens. Additionally, it appears that you don't need to even know where a country is located to support it's political agenda, as depicted here by some SF FREE TIBET protesters.


Board bans sale of bottled water at its schools


This is part of a two-part campaign. First, they want to begin educating students about how unhealthy water is for you. Their research indicates that an increasingly large number of students are remaining hydrated during the school day, and for some reason that's a problem. Second, recylcing plastic bottles has become such a pain in the neck for them, that the only solution is encouraging kids to cup their hands under the faucets if they are thirsty. Who wants to have the added hassle of having to take out the garbage every night?


Bear causes disruption at high school



The students were left without berries and honey all morning. Classes resumed when the bear got lazy and fell asleep for the rest of the day.


Gun fired inside elementary school


Story: Gun fired inside elementary school

Read the article and see how desensitized we have become to incidents like this. Everyone seems laid back about the situation. It basically says, "Oh, I was just showing it to someone and it fell and went off my mistake. But it was an accident, and besides, it was an old gun." A simple mistake we can all relate to when we were in 4th grade. I'm sorry, did we ruin his 'show and tell' project?


Teacher loses job over coin toss

Story: Teaching job lost in coin toss

It was also learned that in this school district, students grades are determined by games of rock, paper, scissors. If this really doesn't put into perspective the current state of education, I'm not sure how much more clear it can get.


Girl suspended for refusing to recite pledge of Allegiance

Story: Girl suspended for refusing to recite pledge of Allegiance

After they had G.I. Joe give her a peer mediation about honor, they then forced her to read Bible verses out-loud to the class. Are we really that concerned about people not wanting to say the pledge. Kids are bringing bombs to school and hosting fight clubs in the bathrooms, and we're cracking down on a girl who won't salute the flag?


Police arrest city teacher in bank robberies


Story: Police arrest city teacher in bank robberies

Is it 1850? Who still thinks they can get away with multiple bank robberies? For some reason when I read this article I pictured the story in black and white. I heard the teacher was also moonlighting as a rum runner.


Teacher Accused Of Having Marijuana In Class

Story: Teacher Accused Of Having Marijuana In Class

The students couldn't figure out why she was constantly pigging out on Doritos during class. They finally put two and two together when they would ask for help on homework assignments, and her response was always a lethargic, "Whoa, what are you a narc?" Oh, and for some reason she never got around to grading their tests.


Mother, Daughter Charged With Attacking Teacher


Story: Mother, Daughter Charged With Attacking Teacher

It's good to see a parent getting involved in their child's studies. There's nothing like a little mother-daughter bonding during school. Maybe while the girl is suspended from school they can go to mom's work and kick the crap out of her boss for no reason.


High school student accused of bomb plot


I would hope a red flag goes up when a high school kid is getting ammonium nitrate delivered to his house. I still have a hard time believing that no one saw this coming. It's one thing to have a few skeletons in your closet, but to be plotting major terroristic-like explosions, at least one person must know of these tendencies.


Bully Tries To Poison Student With Peanuts



Interesting tactic. I always thought bullies just pushed kids up against fences and broke their glasses. But I guess it's now 2008 and they are using advanced stealth techniques to conquer their enemies.


Teacher Arrested for Rape Twice in Three Days


Story: Texas Teacher Arrested for Rape Twice in Three Days

This guy has been a busy little beaver recently. He's also chalked up burglary and assault charges. I wonder who's been grading the students tests while he's been out choking girls in his garage.


"Relay for Life" t-shirts banned from school


Story: "Relay for Life" t-shirts and newspapers banned from school

I'm sure after the principal did some research, he/she found that there is no benefit to allowing students to support a good cause. Why would we want to educate children to help others? I heard they also look poorly upon acts of community service.


Boy stabbed with scissors at school


Story: Boy, 14, stabbed with scissors by another youth at city school

What was the school thinking? Keeping deadly weapons readily available for anyone who picks a fight. One minute you're cutting geometry shapes, the next minute you have a pair of scissors lodged in your neck. We really need to rethink what kind of craft projects we're assigning these students.



Student Shot, Killed by Police Officer


Story: Student Shot, Killed by Police Officer

So much for the taser stories. We're skipping the middle man and getting right to the punch line here. I often tell myself that if I had high school to do over again, I would try my best not to get attacked by law enforcement.


Elementary student records found in dumpster


Story: Elementary student records found in dumpster

I guess we now know the mysterious place they keep our records that will "stay with us the rest of our lives." I feel bad for the future employers and college recruiters who have to dig through all that shit just to find out if a kid ever got detention.


School evacuated 2nd day in a row after threats found on bathroom wall


Story:School evacuated 2nd day in a row after threats found on bathroom wall

Do they also give school-wide STD tests every time someone writes that a girl is a slut? It's completely ridiculous to evacuate the entire student body just because they find writing on the wall. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they strip search kids entering bathrooms to make sure they don't have mini-sharpies with them.


Elementary School Halts Game of Tag Due to 'Intense Aggression'

Story: Elementary School Halts Game of Tag Due to 'Intense Aggression'

The article claims that one of the dangers in the game might include "possibly bumping [the children] to the ground." Holy Crap! I hope to God this type of behavior is not tolerated in elementary school. Give these kids a f*ing band-aid and let them live a normal childhood.


Bill Bans Restaurant Sales To Kids Before School


Story: Bill Bans Restaurant Sales To Kids Before School

The school was having problems with students showing up late in the mornings after stopping for breakfast (reportedly the most important meal of the day.) Has the school looked into the option of having a more strict tardiness policy? What better way to punish kids for fueling up for the day than hurting the local economy.


Girl raped in Cleveland high school


Story: Girl raped in Cleveland high school

I don't even remember having time to talk with my friends in between classes let alone commit violent sexual acts.


Rabid bat found at Higley High School

Story: Rabid bat found at Higley High School

The Health Department is looking for any student who may have handled the bat. Now I know we all make mistakes as teenagers, but for some reason I'd like to believe that kids don't go around playing with dead bats that they find on the ground. Maybe I'm the crazy one.


Student suspended for answering call from dad in Iraq


Story: Student suspended for answering call from dad in Iraq

I think this is the same school that wouldn't allow students to acknowledge that Mother's Day and Father's Day were important. They followed up his 2-day suspension by reminding him that this is a senseless war and he should be ashamed of his father, regardless of how long it's been since he has seen or heard from him.


Stun gun used on middle school student



This story is still developing so we are not sure yet what lead to this outcome. But it helps prompt the question- what did schools and officers do before they were allowed to carry tasers? Perhaps they used a non-violent technique instead of a reaction that lands kids in the hospital every time. And there has to be some sort of emotional side-effects on children when they see their classmates getting stunned by electricity and drug out of the school.


Teacher Robbed at Elementary School


Hopefully teachers aren't carrying tons of cash around school. I'm not sure why you would need any money to be honest. It'll only lead them to buy more from the vending machines in the teachers lounge.


Teacher Rented House For Teens, Allowed Alcohol


Story: Teacher Rented House For Teens, Allowed Alcohol

Nothing makes you feel cooler than buying booze for underage kids. On paper this sounds like a great idea. The teacher shells out the rent money, buys tons of liquor for high schools kids, they get to have a wild Spring Break week, and the teacher lands herself in prison. Ya, a great idea!


Student accusation of beating a hoax


Story: Student accusation of beating a hoax

So it turns out the girl was just full of shit. And a racist to boot. Big ol adda boy to the lone star state. Can't you guys throw this one back -- she's certainly not a keeper.


"Fight Club" Busted at Local High School


Story:
"Fight Club" Busted at Local High School


"First rule of Fight Club: You do not YouTube Fight Club
Second rule of Fight Club: You DO NOT YouTube Fight Club"


Principal Accused of Embezzlement


Story: Principal Accused of Embezzlement

Somebody had to pay for all those cool Christmas gifts she bought her family. And besides, it's not like public schools have a tight budget. Who is gonna miss an extra $35,000 dollars? Except for the fact you could have paid almost two teachers salaries with that amount. Or maybe hired an additional officer to help prevent more Chicago area students from being killed.


Explicit graffiti pops up at elementary school


Story: Explicit graffiti pops up at elementary school

If graffiti is the worst of this schools problems, then they've got it made.


Third Grader Brings Grenade To School



Story:
Third Grader Brings Grenade To School

I think students are just trying to "one-up" each other across the country for what crazy thing they can do at school. We've heard about schools with WWII explosives buried under them [story here], but how does a third grader come across a grenade? For that matter, how does an adult come across a grenade?


School Principal Charged With Sexual Abuse


Story: School Principal Charged With Sexual Abuse

This is just another case of a 47-year old man having a sex and drugs party while watching porn with 16 year old girls in a hotel room. We've all done worse haven't we? I don't know what's happening. Either high school girls are getting hotter and hotter, or middle aged men have just completely given up. Maybe it is time we look into using robots for teachers.


High School teacher applied to marry student

Story: Akins High School teacher applied to marry student

I felt a little weird when I gave my 5th grade teacher a gift on Valentine's Day. I guess this student had no problems giving everything she has to this teacher. Well, hopefully she still has these feelings when she is 37, because that's when he'll be released from prison if he's convicted.


Woman Picking Up Sick Child At School Charged With DUI

"Somebody tell me I'm pretty."

Story: Woman Picking Up Sick Child At School Charged With DUI

Really though...who isn't usually drunk by 10am when they're babysitting four other children? Maybe this helps the argument for having more nurses in our schools. It's probably better for the kid to lay sick all day than go home with a booze-hound mom who's been wrapping her lips around a bottle of Wild Turkey since 8am.


Student hurt after taking ant-illegal immigration sign to school


Story: Student hurt after taking ant-illegal immigration sign to school

It's a good thing that the Native American's didn't have sign like this when the Pilgrims arrived. Or anybody else for the next few hundred years as Europeans were escaping religious persecution. But I am glad we are relying on 13-year old girl to start political movements. I mean, after all the experiences she's been through she must be the voice of reason for this subject.


Driverless School Bus With Students Crashes


Story: Driverless School Bus With Students Crashes Into Bridge

Where to start on this...1. Why wasn't the bus already fueled? 2. Why did he leave a bus full of kids unsupervised? 3. Why did he think he had the super-powers of the Incredible Hulk when he started chasing after it.

Normally students have to wait until they get to school until their lives are in danger.


High School teacher arrested in Internet sex sting


Story: Brighton High School teacher arrested in Internet sex sting

No? You can't send pictures of your genitals to 14-year old girls online? Huh. Well that kinda sucks. I am glad this guy took the grenade on this one because the rest of us had no idea you can get into trouble for this kind of behavior.


Workers Told It's English-Only In School Cafeterias


Story: Workers Told It's English-Only In School Cafeterias

Apparently there is an unwritten code of conduct in the crazy underworld of school cafeteria's. And that code goes as follows: "This is God's America, and in God's America nobody better speak a goddamn word of Spanish." I heard they also don't let handicapped people use wheelchairs and force deaf students to hear.


Cross-Dressing Tradition Creates Controversy



I am sure the school also had a 'backwards' day that week, that doesn't mean they were supporting idiocy. If we're gonna let people over-react every time student or a school does something out of the norm, then we can say goodbye to inspiring creativity. The kids were having fun. No one is ''promoting transgenderism.'' Also, they were allowed to dress up like senior citizens. I heard there is now an uproar that the school is encouraging osteoporosis and alzheimers.


Teacher charged with breaking son's nose with a wrench


Story: Teacher charged with breaking son's nose with a wrench

"...beat his son with a wrench after finding the boy asleep while wearing his eyeglasses." Can we assume this teacher is pro-corporal punishment? Allow us to offer some friendly advice, if you happen to be a loose canon and have no patience when children make mistakes, perhaps teaching (or being a father) might not be your best option. I think pro-wrestling often has weapons matches.



Student arrested for wearing offensive T-shirt to school


Story: Student arrested and suspended for wearing offensive T-shirt to school

But really, who hasn't been arrested because of a shirt they wore? If the kid happens to be an idiot and has radical, unsupported beliefs about other races, then let's try and handle that issue. The school is considering expelling him now. Well, I'm sure there's some secluded house in the woods that farms young minds into becoming even greater racists that would love to have him. And it looks like we've already pointed him in that direction.


 
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