Spooked by message, students stay home from Long Island school


Spooked by message, students stay home from Long Island school

The message, "I Will Kill Every 1.", apparently had some students appalled at the complete lack of grammatical ability. "Everyone knows that numbers should be spelled out, and I'm not even going to get into the capitalization problems. Frankly, I'm not sure the English classes are safe anymore. I don't want to be misled by lazy faculty that somehow we can just use numerals indiscriminately." said one freshman.


Pupils injured in knife attack at school


Pupils injured in knife attack at school


Nothing like a good old knife fight to bring back the nostalgia. The two were reportedly settling up a dispute from the previous weekend, where one boys '57 Mustang ended up in the ocean after a mean game of chicken over the edge of the local bluff.


Teen-to-teen sex education divides parents

Teen-to-teen sex education divides parents

The basic problem is that the majority of high school students are getting ass more consistently than most parents. For the parents who still insist on following draconian interpretations of 2,000 year old mythology, this can be problematic. Forget teen-to-teen sex ed, let's instate teen-to-parent sex ed and perhaps these prudes will relax.


Flu forces elementary school to cancel classes


Until dead birds start showing up in the garbage cans outside, I'd say go ahead and resume classes. Just take a few minutes and debrief everyone by reminding them to cover their mouths and wash their hands. And don't throw snotty kleenex at people.


Gay-themed high school play draws protest


Any time someone wants to recognize the fact that gay people exist, you're gonna find some Baptist church rallying against it.
In a twisted irony, it seems that people who are willing to stand up for a belief, are willing to die for it. But people who don't believe in things and wish to remain closed-minded, are only willing to kill because of it. Now which group seems to be the difficult one?


Vice-principal charged with DUI





It was a Wednesday night! (Note: Wednesday is a school night)
Are things that bad man?


Student Accidentally Tased By Deputy



I figured this one out. People are so stupid in Greene County Carolina, that they think "accidentally" is spelled "accidentially." If this is their trusted news source, then I can only imagine the education of the officers carrying tasers.


Bentonville Schools Latest To Ban Valentine Deliveries


The way I interpret this story is that high school boys have become more pathetic to the point that they feel the need to send their sweetheart flowers and teddy bears during English class. So much so that the school day is flooded with so many cookie bouquets that teacher just can't get class started. You guys are gonna see each other after school right?
Whatever happened to Candy Grams?


No dirty dancing for kids


ALL school dances have been cancelled for the rest of the year because one mom wasn't happy with the inappropriate style of dance she saw. It's not like these 7th graders were getting lap dances to an Akon song in the Red Room.
Hey mom, things have changed a bit since the Twist.


Teacher Suspended After Duct-Taping Student to Desk


I don't even remember teachers having duct-tape in their rooms, but apparantly in the last year or so it went on whole-sale and all educaters bought a crap-load of it.
How humiliating does it have to be to be taped to a desk? And how much does it hurt your arms hairs to have to rip the stuff off?


Boy Sexually Assaulted While Walking To School


I am sure the school will face heat because they either didn't have enough crossing guards, didn't provide adequate transportation, or something else. But that's probably because it wasn't a priority for the budget.
Usually we have to wait until the kid actually gets to school to be sexually assaulted, it is a shame it happened this way.


School bus driver cited for having beer on bus


Simple Science Project Instructions:
Materials Needed: 2 bus drivers, 2 busses, 40 students, 6 pack of Busch Light.
Hypothesis: IF you need to drink beer during the middle of the day, THEN you probably shouldn't get a job driving kids around on a bus.
Constant: Have one driver perform route without purchasing booze.
Variable: Have the other driver stop during his shift to drink beer.
Record Data: See which bus driver keeps their job.
How Can I Test My Results? Try this experiment in any school district in the U.S.


 
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